I guess I'm trying to say "Thank you"

Some time back I came across this word: Gokurousama. It means "Thank you for your troubles" in Japanese.

I instantly fell in love with it and noted it down somewhere. Today, while flipping through pages of my arbitrary invaluables, I rediscovered it and oh the pangs of nostalgia bit me hard! Today, as I turn on a new leaf in my life I want to say “Gokurousama”.

“Gokurousama! For when I had 5 years full of it I unwittingly let go of 2; today I wish I had kept them all for myself. I wish I knew! I wish I could hold it still. I wish ……”

Grace!!

when my way groweth drear .....

I enjoy making a silly glop every now n then in MS Paint
It's awesome...when a little blotch turns out to be this amazing piece of my heart - speaking out my mind .... expressing :)

well i am time-starved .... at least I am supposed to be so
but alas.... i guess my little head doesn't really get that quite right
so i wander ...... my soul knows no bound

today i buried my little impossible dreams and whoa.... i saw a world of light and colors
a riot of "YES"; a gleam of "of course my dear"
so i rise again
will i shine too? again?
i will...you see!

[the title is a portion from one of my favourite hymns "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" by Rev. Dorsey]

Let's Save :)

made in MS Paint :)

Please SAVE this cutie ....

This is Shakespeare (name courtesy Lisa) ....the name 'coz he's an avid reader. Don't believe me? Well... the VSLibrary at IIMA is his favourite hangout :p n he has that lazy-learned aura about him ;)
ok...jokes aside....He's cute, healthy, n is very affectionate. His lovely brown-black coat makes him even more irresistible n cuddly :)
He urgently needs a home; he's been a bit upset lately 'coz of lack of care and some bullying by ignorant brats around here. He's very lovable ... so do consider adopting him if you love animals or pass on the message and help him get a loving home; else people are considering euthanizing him :(
Please save Shakespeare!

The Woof Woof saga of my life – Part 1

….now that my dog-love button has been restarted I remember all those years of pure fun, kindness (not just from me to them….it came both ways), love, affection, trust …..such sweet memories!

Where it all began…..

I was an avid dog-lover…yeah avid…that’s the adjective, n yeah it had b’com a thing of my past (until recently) since 2002! The place where I grew up in was a huge ECL (Coal India) colony with high walls lining its circumference. And we had dogs …. all over the place! About 20-30 dogs including pups (mostly pure Indian breeds) populated our colony. Most of the people there, about 60 odd families, loved them.

We (my Mom, me, bhai, n our next door neighbour Mukherjee aunty) had named each of them. There was Nepali (I named him this ’coz he had those cute Asian features), Kalu (me again - well ‘coz he had a black coat, which btw was beautiful n silky), Sush (courtesy Ma - coz she was the prettiest lil white thing n Ma’am Sush was the reigning Miss Universe then), Mejo (bhai had named this one…coz it was a mid-sized dog and in Bangla…mejo is a colloquial term for the middle one), Lalmoni (Mukherjee aunty – as this one had a lush reddish-brown coat n ‘moni’ stands for the dear one :) ), Tommy (we were out of names n since we had named it’s sister lalmoni, we just found a name n started calling him that :) ), B[n]adu (ma thought he was a Bandar-mukhi – the moneky-faced one), n there were many more. We loved them all. It’s been 10 years since we’ve moved more than 150 kms away from there. Ma used to make extra chapattis for them, we played with them all the time, they got a good yelling when they did something naughty…hehe just like me n bhai :p .

Sometimes when they’d get into fights amongst themselves, I would get inside their little woofy-howly episodes and break the fight. They never attacked me. I did this ‘coz they’d get bruised n wounded in these fights n I hated that ‘coz they’d limp after that, or have a broken ear, or something as painful. But you know what…I got into trouble because of this on a strange street long back. These dogs didn’t know me n I was in the habit of trying to break these fights. When I saw them getting at each other, I stepped close n stupidly enough tried to stop them…..tried making “tch tch” sounds, yelled at them asking them to stop. And while most of them got confused and stopped, one of the full-grown males suddenly came right at me ….. I managed a narrow escape. I swore I’d never get too close to unknown ones until I had ascertained to them that I’m not there to hurt them.

I so miss those good ol’ days, n I miss Nepali – he was one of my favourite friends. I loved him n patted him …. n even though he was not one of those dogs which loved being cuddled….he loved it when I did it. I miss him! He waited for me near the colony entrance gate just around the time when I’d come back from school. He’d jump up a bit, wag his little tail, make little groaning sounds until I patted him. Then he’d go. I’d have to call out to it to bring it back n feed it. He never demanded food … just a pat n some love J. Now, I am jealous of God ‘coz he has him. I hope he’s having a great time getting the fairy services in heaven ;)

However, I will always love you n cherish those days when you were around. I miss you! Btw, you still adorn many of my secret codes n passwords …. RIP!

A quick rendezvous with my roots - Magical Shantipur

This is going to be a lllooonnngggggg one ..... so., readers beware! I have been thinking of putting up this post to share my awe at the beauty of the past.....Oh what an experience! I visited Shantipur this Holi....it's my Ma's granpa's place. Yeah yeah ... I have said this before, but quoting Ross "I havent said what I'm about to say, vis-a-vis - the following" :p
hehe....ok ok it really was an amazing experience n let me not dilute it all up with silly jokes :|
so...here's an account of my experience.
I went there with my granma, uncle, aunt, n cousin and on our way heard some amazing tales about how Holi is going to be a completely out-of-this-world experience at Shantipur. I was already excited!

This is my granma btw....isn't she beautiful!!

Ma didn't grow up in Shantipur, she just visited the place with her family, every Durga Pujo until we happened :| However, when I visited Shantipur this time, I felt connected. I had never felt this way earlier; but that's maybe 'coz I've never stayed there for more than a day, n in my whole life, I had just been there thrice earlier. I felt so connected. The huge buildings are writhing with age, but they still ooze grace and bear the marks of the blue blood that flows down its veins....hopefully some of it has trickled down to mine as well :|

I remember when I had been here in 2004 (six years back).... the hazed part (right corner) of this picture bore a continuation of this building. We stayed there for a night. It was ok then...it's all breaking down. Ahhh...it made my heart ache. The little corners still seemed to call out, "come in my child, sit down here; I still have some shade saved for you", I almost heard it say. I wish we could do something about it...save it. When i asked granny, she said that ours is a large family.....it belongs to all of us....n technically I'm not a part of it as I'm a Chakrabarty n they're the Moitras.....I'm just a tertiary branch hanging somewhere far. My uncles want to save it too.....but it's a huge deal trying to pull out the rights to work on something that belongs to "everybody"....most of whom don't even give a damn.....whatever... "it is all very complicated", I was told.

See this well? It hasn't changed...probably the only thing that looks just the same....irrespective of how many walls crumble down, how many roots turn up, it never dries. It is known as an 'Idara' in Bangla.... a well that never dries.

This portion .... arghhhh.... looks spooky...n I wasn't allowed to go in and see....apparently no one has been in there for years. Still.....looks beautiful!
This is the 'Nachghar', at the entrance gate of out house - the 'Moitra Bari'. This was the 'Nahabat Khana' were music and dance performances were held during ceremonies and festivals, in ancient times.
Well.... it's cliched hotels and guest houses like this one that I'm thankful to for letting us stay in during our visits to our ancestral house. The house is in such state now that we could not stay in there. Sad but well.... all great things come to an end...and maybe that's what's happening to us and our majestic house. I just wish we .... at least us, brothers and sisters, can save the house some day and stay there during festivals.... we all want to, our parents too...let's see if we can achieve the impossible.
Beautiful temples built by our forefathers, eras before today, still stand tall, thanks to the lovely architecture. All the temples have a unique built. They all stand high on a 8-10 feet base, and are surrounded by thick walls, with not much room inside. Maybe that's the secret...not much of suspended stuff....so they are better armored to sustain the ravages of time.

This is our 'Ananda Gopal', the baby Lord Krishna. Ahhhh...he's adorable! His little palm stretched out asking for a 'Kheer Laddu', his large eyes bearing a naughty look calling out "pamper me, wont you?". Oh...I love him...we all do and we miss him when we come back every time. Probably he'll make our wishes come true one day.
I know we can't return to Shantipur for good, but I hope we can save the land that bears our roots, so that we can visit to catch up - with siblings, distant uncles and aunts, people who we connect to oh so easily, and with a little part of our soul that's stuck there! :)

shredding n simplifying n ...... you figure it out

One fine day, when I was walking down the brick-stud lanes of IIMA, chirping like a gay robin thinking “what a pat I’d get on my back for my game theory term paper!” I was bombed. You know who dropped it on me? My current advisor, who during that time I was trying to impress with my work so that he’d agree to guide me on my juggling acts of putting together a decent dissertation. Well….when I got my senses back I realized that the injury was primarily from splinters that had lightly scraped the hell out of me….. “ooohhh….ahhhh…ouuchhhhh…phooo…phoooo”!

What he had said was this...."Patrali...what's the matter with you? your writing makes no sense". And all my life...in school, grad days....I was told that I had excellent writing skills....it all fell flat...shhmmughfffllleeee splat!

I am still recovering…don’t know if I’d ever come out of the shock. Even though experts say that I’d be fine….I don’t see any signs.

As a kid, almost all my well-wishing elders preached me the virtues of honesty, modesty, and simplicity. Well….let me tell you what I’ve got out of this thus far. Maybe it’s possible for one to muster some flair along the lines of the 1^st two ….of course you’d have to trudge rough roads a bit (me? not there yet...not even trying). And if you’re talking about attaining simplicity…..forget about it! Who would’ve thought while coining this innocent term that it wouldn’t after all be all that simple?

I realized this when I attempted writing up my research. “ooohh…aahhhhh…splinter splinter….phooooo”! The 1^st feedback I got from my then would-be advisor was that I write like I was creating a jigsaw puzzle and messing up the pieces for the reader to figure out. All the pieces were there …but if you were reading it you'd want to beat the hell out of me (the writer) and file a section 307 against me. It’s been 3 years since I was that gay robin; now.... I’m all messed up….except that now I know that I’m messed up.

So what is this simplicity….a tongue-slurping lizard of some kind? Freaking the hell out of young writers? Following is a gist of what I’ve figured out thus far. The 1^st thing we need to achieve in order to attain simplicity in writing is get the FOCUS right. Well, at the end of my thesis journey…I hope I’ve got that…for the least :p

But that doesn’t stop the damned lizard from flashing its nasty tongue at you ….. there are several other levers attached to it. It’s like a lifestyle! Being able to identify jargons from terms, being able to know when you type the equation and when you type out runny sentences to explain ….a-a-a-a….not too much…just the right amount! It’s making the work sound interesting without making the reader wonder “Boy I must be stupid; or did I miss something? Oh…check out the nice chick at 10 o’clock!”, or worse still making them go “what the hell are you reading?”

Now some side-effects of missing the catch called simplicity…. I’ve been shredding reams of copies of my whole work – spiral bound and everything…glad it’s less than 120 pages. I was told not to dump them like our usual course-mats. I have some 10 more of those lying around ‘coz my palms and fingers are sore, as there’s no shredder bot on campus. I was thinking it might be easier to eat them…. At least I’d get my daily dose of fiber…not so prevalent in our canteen menu ;) Or maybe I just need some sleep!

an ode to the burn....

Burn the fire in me, set thee free
Smoke'll shroud the world to let me be.
A hue, or should I say a stain, will sure cling back;
A hue that's now part o' my soul, part o' my esprit.

Peace!

well if you winced........I'd pity you!

This is my new-found love. I spotted her/him (?) well dunno.....well spotted it (safer :p) near an old temple (Shyam Chand) in Shantipur, West Bengal. I was visiting my mom's ancestral home to seek blessings from our ancestral deity -the dear 'Anando Gopal'. Boy...does he have a great pampering during Holi. I also got to meet my siblings and we all had a great time this Holi :)

Well....coming back to my love :) ....as soon as I stepped out of the car, camera hooped around my neck, this cute little creature came up to me - a little afraid, but wagging its tiny tail vigorously to express its affection. It was absolutely adorable. Its large brown eyes looked up at me, a cute little mouth turned up in a pout. I loved it. I sat down and it came closer in excitement. It had some kind of skin disease, the hair had disappeared here and there and I was a little skeptical about patting this cute little thing. I wanted to, but I didn't 'coz I feared I'd catch its sickness. Arrggghhhhh I pity myself and feel sad at the thought of how selfishly I behaved. I tried to show it my affection by making little sounds; trying to say that I loved it. And all the while I felt guilty of not being able to get close to it out of a petty fear that it was a sick pup. We left. I feel sad now that I didn't care enough to show some love to this little creature; innocent as it was, it probably got this sickness 'coz of us...people, who pollute this world left-right-n-centre. And the worst bit is...whoever sees this pic laughs at me and says that I'm crazy to have kept this picture :(
I am sorry my dear love, you wont believe it but I so yearn to see you again and if I do, I'll cuddle you and love you so much. God bless you dear friend!

Chintuji ...... a riot of simplicity and cuteness

“This story is about Hadbahedi, a utopian town. Wish it could be true!”

This film is Rishi Kapoor’s (Chintuji) tribute to his father Raj Kapoor, and believe me it is such a devoted attempt! However, I couldn’t help notice the stark resemblance of the storyline with Bhisham Sahni’s ‘The Boss Came to Dinner’; only here the whole village plays the role of the ever-sacrificing mother. I know it sounds clichéd here, but believe me it is quite adorable. The image of a utopian town and its people almost makes you wish that there was a real town like it. People are happy and content. They love and believe in each other, make ghor prayashchitt - they diligently attempt to amend and make-up for their sins, if any, are peace-loving, and are basically content. They’re a happy bunch who swear by their saint ‘Satyakaam’ and never wrong.

The tag-line: it is simple. However, it does take crisp pot-shots at real life biggies every now and then – you know, at the Mallyas, rail mantris, and Amar Babus who ride the film-polity bandwagon. The film apparently had a very humble promo work before release in September (I guess) 2009…so most of us probably missed it, but it is a cute must-see, if not an Oscar ensemble.

RK does a wonderful job. The film is directed by Ranjit Kapoor, of Jaane bhi do Yaaron, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, Bandit Queen, and The Legend of Bhagat Singh fame. He’s also the father of Annu Kapoor and Grusha Kapoor, who've both bagged cute roles in the film, and have done well too. While the veteran Om Puri weaves magic with his amazing baritone from behind the camera, the adorable RK and Saurabh Shukla are cute and absolutely adorable on-screen.

The story is simple, sweet, no-glitz, no-nonsense running around trees in alien lands, hence, not much money flushed down…you know where. Well, so if you’re looking for a cute heroine, clad in pink-n-purple barely there tops and µ-minis, and fully loaded with amazing layers of make-up ….ohhhh the usual riot of colors on eyelids and eyelashes, hair and lips, nails and cheek-bones…this ones not for you.

There is a subtle green-eyed and dimple-cheeked lass, Kulraj Randhawa playing ‘Devika’, Chintuji’s PR manager, managing to add some gloss to the canvas every now and then. However, the still beautiful Kseniya Riyabinkina, you know the beautiful actress who played a Russian trapeze artist in Raj Kapoor’s Mera Naam Joker, steals the show in the 1 minute she appears on-screen. She still looks the same – petite, doe-eyed, innocent smile, just a few seasons added to her grace. Devika is paired alongside Priyanshu Chatterjee, who plays a runaway terror suspect, alias ‘Arun Bakshi’ - the local newspaper editor. He is apparently innocent and is being framed by the bad guys.

The almost crippled with make-up and tight-clothed Sophie Choudhury makes a small appearance, acting herself….you know a typical Bollywood chic ;) She does live up to her 9tanki image as well. & then there are cute and innocent village oldies here and there, who just run around doing their cute old guys’ acts making the story even cuter. It’s a nice film, a shame that it bombed at the box-office!

And here’s to Rishi Kapoor, he must be a real darling that he signed on to playing such a negative character....a completely spoilt brat…even though he’s playing his own real name. A thing rarely seen in this image-savvy industry. Hats off :)

lend me a drop, lend me a dip, drown me forever - I pray

"Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." - Bertrand Russel

Here’s something I had a faint belief in. I had also once scribbled it down somewhere….yeah….somewhere, can’t trace it now. But here’s the gist of what I had written – “Is it me, or has He saved me the best for the last”.

It was a pun…definitely….the He was – you know – the omnipotent Almighty! But I had written it down when I was toiling, and toiling so hard; sometimes the wait seemed like eternity. On some days I’d spend hours waiting outside W3 or face the lily pond in new campus…only there were no lilies in it then. It stared back at me and said nothing; I waited.

Then things changed …. for the best. He had saved for me “the best for the last” and I am so thankful he did. It’s so much sweeter that way and what I have with me now is that I have grown up. Thank you!

When I look now, I see the warmth; I see what I had been looking for, for years. And I see more. A crystal drop shimmering at the corner, stealing a glance from me. An enigma that I can decode when I look. A well of emotions that’s so deep, I want to drown. Lend me a dip, will you?

Chaos 2010 at IIMA: My last Chaos here - an eye-opener to me

IIMA - the heavenly abode of 600+ PGPs, about 80 FPMs (doctoral students), some 80+ faculty members, and another 200+ executive MBA participants. Chaos opens up the vent of adrenalin to IIMA, seeping into every crevice and channel; be it student, or faculty, and other dedicated workers here, every one is drenched to the core. An amazing experience - Chaos.

Chaos is random….as the name suggests – not much order or decorum maintained; that’s actually the whole point. I had been missing this event since the past two years: well, I was busy with my work. And believe me, just scanning the schedule doesn’t give you any idea how hopelessly chaotic and hence absolute fun it’s going to be. I missed chaos, and didn’t regret it, until this year.

I decided to go for the limelight events and some music and dance events – cumulating to about an evening and about 3-4 more hours of the total 50 rockingggg ones. Well that was the plan. The 1^st two days happened that way. However, I just loosened up from day 3, actually night 3. It was the Sonu Niigaam and Kavita Seth night and it was all absolutely amazing. We had so much fun: we danced, we enjoyed, and amidst that I kept wondering “would I ever make it to where he is standing today?” ….. that’s been my dream ForEver! On the next day, I was asked to judge an eastern solo music event – RAAGA. I accepted the work and had an amazing and absolutely heart-wrenching experience. I wanted to award at least 6 people…..who were all amazing. I also wanted to accredit another 6 participants, who were equally talented, but slipped during this particular performance. Well we were only allowed to give 4 prizes: 1^st, 2^nd, and 2 "consolations". Arghhhh….I hate that term….I wanted to call this set (at least) “you were equally amazing” awards.

After this event I spoke to some participants and two of these participants Kavish and Shubham touched me. Their passion for music was amazing. I felt the fire that I had kept simmering inside me – they set me ablaze. And I wondered, “what am I doing?” For years, I had been postponing the plan of pursuing music and dance in a hope that I’d take it up after I’ve secured my life enough. Ma becomes a bit worried about this craziness of mine….which I keep suppressed generally, only to fail miserably at times like this - when I am face-to-face with my real dream. I want it so bad! I know I’ll repent it at my last breath - repent that I didn’t even try. Well! It’s high time I gave it a real shot. I have decided to dedicate a complete year to hone myself and try myself out to check if I have what it takes to be there.

So here I am today. Chaos ended on the 31^st. Yesterday I planned – a well hedged plan – shooing away some of the most obvious risks associated with the clichéd “in case I fail”. Discussed it in detail with ma, baba, and a dear friend. I’m good to go! :)

I have three people to acknowledge for opening my eyes to tell me that I have to try it out for real, and not postpone it to be pursued from the ‘beyond’. Well, the maestro…Niigaam saab, the immensely talented being, during whose performance I shifted to a trance about a couple of times thinking of the real dream in me. And Kavish and Shubham, thanks little ones. I know it was barely a 10 minute interaction with you, but you touched me and shook the hell out of me. Thank you! You will stay dear to me, forever :)

I love academia…..well, I feel it’s a very sincere place to be in. I love research…..I do! But I love music more than anything else. If I could do both, I would: but I have to make a choice now. I’m giving myself 8 months (starting April 2010). If I can’t do what I want to….I’ll come back. I know, it’s not fair to dedicate so many years to academia and just 8 months to my real passion; but I’m a normal worldly animal….that’s all I can afford. I will try my best…..if I can see any light there for me, I’ll stay. I would love to multitask and manage both….but don’t think I’ll succeed. Let’s see! I’ll try whatsoever.

So, here’s “to Me”!

Recipe: Amazing Green tea!

Here I am again! Now that I am nearing the end of my term at IIMA, I am growing more and more into a tea/coffee freak. Ahh......today I prepared this amazing cup of green tea! Well, I started drinking gren tea, 'coz prageet keeps telling me that too much of tea isn't good for health, esp. for females who need more iron; and caffeine apparently can retard iron absorption. Further, tannin may aggravate cases of constipation. whoa..... :o
So, I tried to make a gradual switch towards the green variety (which is considered a therapeutic wonder 'coz of its high flavonoid content and less tannin and caffeine, I guess)....well, frankly, I hated it at first. It was like having warm water that's slightly bitter and kind of weird :|
I tried to divide my day's consumption of tea into green and black :)
Well, I can't live without tea....may be Ma's to be blamed for this.....she deprived me and bhai of these delicious drops of amrit for so many years that my body just needs to make up for it (maybe bhai's share too) :p
So....the bottom-line...... I have to have tea ...... at least 4 cups....everyday :)

argghhhh...I get so carried away :p
I started writing this post to record this beautiful new recipe that I came up with about 1/2 hour back......I loved it :)

Here's what I did:

I took a little ginger (well, I am in a hostel...so I have this sun-dried spiced ginger stuff that I washed thoroughly to get rid of as much of the spice-coating as possible). I boiled a cup of water, soaked the ginger in a little boiling water and let the rest of the water rest till the temperature came down a bit. Then I added 1 tsp amla juice (I'm out of lemons; but this thing tasted great - a nice change). After that I put in the green-tea bag (used Tetley 'Green Tea'), added 3/4 tsp. honey (I don't like it too sweet) and there it was :)
A perky, yet subtle, cup of delicious tea :)

Tip: Don't brew green tea in boiling water .....strips it of its real flavor :)

Gloria in excelsis Deo!

A long long time ago, when time hath stood still;
When frowns stared back;
They demanded a war.

A lovely Sun hath risen;
A Sun that was destined to shine everyday.
Dark clouds hovered around for some days.
Testing and trying each sinew that writhed in its own salinity.

They didn't relent.
Clouds gave up and set way for the golden rays to seep in again.

Glory (be) to God who reigns atop every possible height!

*******************

.......sometimes I write stuffs like this. Don't know why....but some kinda urge to write happens....and I ramble :)

That's a pic of my Bhai (my little bro). I had clicked this one during our trip to Yosemite National park. That was an amazing trip. Put that pic on this.....'coz I love my bro....and he left for his work-station today. He was visiting Ma and Baba for about three weeks .... I got to be with him for just about a week :(
I love him so much! I'm the luckiest sis in the whole world....'coz he's the best bhai God hath ever designed :)

Good work up there!!
When I come up there.....I'm going to give you some great CV points ;)

A new flavour of coffee I discovered today ...... Yum!

I know it's bad manner to go "Yum" on your own recipe.....but God....can't help it. Wow!

I felt like some coffee...really late ....about 1:30 a.m. or so....
So I made myself a cup.....n did quite an experiment with it too
and it went well.....as you must've guessed by now
....just loved it

here's what I did
I took:
2 tsp ground coffee (I took Nescafe Classic)
a big pinch of crushed orange peel (sun-dried)
a pinch of cinnamon
one medium-sized clove (crushed)
a pinch of cocoa-powder (unsweetened)

I mixed up the spices and brewed a little beyond boil (took a large cup of water to boil). Added the coffee and let it stand off flame. Sprinkled the cocoa at last. Stirred and relished! Makes a full mug.

Amazing! Refreshed me to my guts :)

Run….run thy calves off

Today, I ran, actually jogged for about an hour. Well I've been feeling quite unfit for a while now....and everyday before retiring I promise to myself that I'll exercise on the next day and eat right. But promises are just to me made ..... that's how it works for me :p

But today, I exercised for an hour....and quite efficiently so. All the while I listened to 2 of the interviews that I had done with ad experts for my thesis. I actually have started this lunch pack deal with some guys who call themselves ‘nutrimeal’; and it was damn spicy. Well….for me! For the regular people it would be ok. I was feeling weird in my tummy the whole afternoon and evening, until I put my joggers on and started trotting. At 1^st I put on some music, then I realized…instead of wasting time…why don’t I put on stuffs that I need to hear. Nice huh?

I didn’t jog all the time…I broke the monotone with occasional shoulder rotations, arm flings and stretches (side-wise), lunges, tadasan (mountain-pose yoga), and trikonasan (triangle-pose yoga). I ended with surya-namaskar (yoga) and standing kapal-bhaati (300 puffs). Feel amazing now.

However, in retrospect…..since I’ve exercised after a long time today, I’ll feel the effect of it tomorrow mostly on:
1) the thighs: my quads will be sore,
2) dear God my calves will hurt
3) back of arms and shoulders… triceps (urgghhhh)
4) and upper abs.

Phew……n if I don’t exercise tomorrow….this effort will go waste. So I will exercise tomorrow. Will I? let’s see :p

....then there was light

Well.....4 years ain't enough to know someone.....even if that's your mentor(s)! I am working on my dissertation, and well.....the 1st and maybe (too hard) thing that he had told me on the 1st day was that " there'll be very little hand-holding from my side. You'll have to be self-sufficient...'coz I have too many things laid out on my table to be taken care of through the next couple of years". I was scared, but I'm happy that I didn't let go. Whatever little hand he extended or didn't extend I grabbed on and tried to stay afloat all this while. Some times I felt, why shouldn't I get a little more care .... like my mates in LAN....how they're so pampered and how they manage to party so much, play addictive games on the net (actually I envied how they could get into another addiction), and have fun! May be they were a tad smarter than me! But I so wanted to break free sometimes!

But I was so wrong.....I am so glad I was :)
I toiled hard.....they made me! When they just let me a tip of their finger, they did it on purpose, so that I could grow up one day, and manage the steering wheel myself. Once in a while they'd give the wheel a loud spin, in case I had taken a wrong turn. They knew what they were doing, and I had no idea. I was a puppet but they pulled the strings only to save me from a fall. I had to to stay afloat with a peck of resources to aid me. One let me meet him everyday as long as he was physically around, but I stood for hours in front of Wing 3. With another, I called up and got one meeting in 1 and sometimes 2 months. That's how 3rd year treated me. They made me do it all! & when I met them with an output file....they critiqued, and critiqued so hard, I had to work more!

Today, when things are looking up, when I get the credits, they sit by me and smile! They still give me the push when I need one, when I am reluctant to go up and talk to that big guy! & then when that guy tells me that I've done a good job, I realize what I was doing all these years. They made me toil, so that one day I could grow up!

I always fantasized that my PhD guide would be someone who'd be like a third parent. Well I got more than that.....I got a bunch of new mentors who just don't say it out loud that they care....but who walks into the LAN looking for me when he has a new idea to polish my problem, or who is fumbling around looking for the best place for me in my next step ahead!

Awwww.......I love you all :)
Thanks a lot for all that you've been to me! I feel so proud to just be a part of your BIG world. Thanks a lot!

My state (right now)

with all the lucrative placement deals buzzing around me....the patang-season, and so many partying FPMs......the possibility that my little bulb glows has dimmed :p

Happy Uttarayan!!

The FPM Journey

Writing a thesis is very boring! It was amazing when I was working on it...you know deciding on the exact research questions, method to be followed, designing the experiments, designing ads, running the experiments and analyzing the data, working on my model, running miles of rigorous algebra, interpreting the comparative statics....it was an awesome lot of excitement. It was amazing when one fine day I'd find a great result.

Then when I got the signal that the work was done, I started writing it all up. Fortunately, I practiced documenting my work simultaneously with the real exercises.....all that was to be done now was compile it all in one thesis. That almost killed me! Now I am into my n-th edit..... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......and I am bored.

So I just made this little sketch in MS Paint and colored it there itself.
Well....I'm not a pro but I love the final look of it :)

It calls out to me.....says, "Ahhhhhh.....FPM......A Wonderful Journey!"
There's fun, there's excitement, there's frustration, deadlines, miles of literature to master, victory in finding awesome results, challenge of proving the worth of the work....the rigorous 4+ years put in.....an invisible hand that guides from above, a few visible hands to hold on to during the tough walk, thrill, monotone, variety - and the challenge of managing all of them together, inspiration, hopes, bashings and accolades, nostalgia on-and-off the regal burnt-brick walls, ........ a whole new world where I began.....a world that I had fallen in love with from day-1, a world that I can count on forever, a world that runs in my veins now.

I love you IIMA! :)

Again....

A slumber did she slip into
They wrenched her soul apart,
Scream’d aloud, she saw the cloud
She fumbled in the dark.

They saw her there, they didn’t come
Reaching out a palm,
She picked her up she straightened out
Never to be torn apart.

The light that was, stared at her face
She blinked a dreamy lash,
She saw that smile, she cared no more
She’d make another start

Advertising brings them to the bank, maybe they’ll stick a finger in too; but they’ll dive in only if they’re sure that the water’s nice n deep.

[post on a concept I had found interesting long back (read at ur own peril :D )]

As someone once said, “….Behaviour is controlled by the consequences of behaviour itself”.

This is the 1^st brick in the foundation of the concept ‘Operant Conditioning’, also known as ‘Instrumental Learning’. A concept that the classic ‘A Clockwork Orange’ is based on, its implementation on intended subjects, is vested on the crucial aspects of role and timing of the reinforcements on them. You must see the film to really get this!

The process, unlike that in Conditional Learning, induces voluntary behaviour in the desired direction, and subjects make necessary changes, and quite willingly so, in their environment to incorporate the same.

Revolutionary work of Edward Thorndike and B.F. Skinner, both American psychologists, unveiled the possibility of inducing voluntary behavior transitions of intended beings (human & animals alike) in a specific direction. The concept was transfused into the core of advertising, by Gerald J. Gorn. Persuade them; make them choose you amongst a host of competing alternatives, unaware of the directing wheel that you turn. However, advertising cannot sustain you: ‘coz, behaviour when followed by positive experience is typically reinforced, whereas behaviour when followed by negative outcomes are quit.

Advertising can just make them try…..keeping them locked in is a task bred deeper still.

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

Came across this saying by Groucho Marx, and I so loved it. It got me wondering, do I have any such friend? And then I found 2 names….almost instantly and I knew they fit.
[Well, I left my parents out of this, ‘coz, well they’d do anything to keep the evil away from me, 'coz they are the best parents in the whole world]
The 1^st one’s bhai, my little brother, who’s my best pal. He has stuck to me through all thick n thin. He’s taken care of me, pampered me, loved me so, and he’s always been there for me – to listen to me, help me, advise me. He's the best!
The 2^nd one is Banani, my childhood pal. We went to school together for 11 years (KG to X) and she was just awesome. We weren’t friends from the 1^st day…..somehow it grew into us with time. I realized that I simply loved her, after my board exams got over. I started missing seeing her pretty face every morning, when I knew school was over and now she was so far away. We studied in different schools after that, but I loved her and she loved me too. Now, 13 years after we grew out of school, I still miss her, and I so love it when we talk over the phone and feel it that she still loves me so much.
You know what’s the most amazing thing about both these friends of mine? They love me, they’d do anything for me, and they are so cool about it. They never say 'love us back'! They don’t demand anything from me in return for the undying love that they have for me. And most of the times they don’t even say it…..I just see it in their eyes, their voice, the little notes that they send me in email, orkut, and on my birthdays and special occasions like bhai-phota. I love them so much!

Unusually long-drawn Haikus .... :p

I am barely awake now. It’s 4 in the morning; my eyelids yearn to touch each other. This reminds me of a particular Tom n Jerry cartoon that I had seen ages back.

I so want to write. Life is a big piece of jig-saw puzzle right now; thesis – likewise!

I feel like I am frantically chasing fragments of a dream I had. Like all of my dreams it was big, beautiful, and bold (in the sense it was too hard to be true). An amazing story that I so loved then and so fear to let go now.

So here in dark of the night, I am scribbling something which closely resembles haiku; but believe me…..I am actually trying to gather my thoughts together before they shatter in the morning light. Slowly but for sure, the tide brought in by the sun rays will wash away the remnants of my memory.

It makes me a little sad and frustrated to lose the grip I had on this story. What am I writing? Somehow I want to get transported back through time. This time I’ll make sure I am not lost but placed in a spot where I will eventually come to feel my dreams.

I always did that…before now. How did I misplace it this time? I couldn't tell you how I got here. Well….frankly, I am not exactly sure why. I just know that it has something to do with trying to forget the existence of a few souls who lost their lives that day.

Well…..this is a bunch of crrazzyyy haikus! Kudos!!

Dorm 2 - decked up on Diwali 2009

This year, we decked up D2 with a theme: 'Save the Animals'. It was awesome! The girls did a beautiful job making Rangolis that didn't look like the usual ones....they were sweet animals that looked cute in colors. I just loved it! Will miss this from next year :)

A “Dear Diary” Moment

I try not to spend too much time thinking about the past. But, being a Libran, that’s almost impossible for me; and to top that, I am sentimental and nostalgic. I love to flip by old photos and flash back. But I believe that I will make the best of what I have. And believe me, it works…..’coz I believe it will.

Two days back, I turned 30. My best friends aren’t on campus, and I’m miles away from my family. So, I expected a lousy birthday that would not sparkle if I didn’t add the spark. Moreover, I am a senior doctoral student on campus, have been out of campus throughout later2008 and almost entire 2009, so don’t know many of my current dorm-mates. Most of my fellow doc students are either at home celebrating Diwali, or aren’t around. My PGP batch-mates (who actually form the bulk of IIMA) are no longer on campus, except Vibro, who I haven’t seen since ages. So….. a lousy, dead birthday was inevitable. “Naah!” I could let that happen. Birthday is my happy day :) so, I’d have to grab reins, and make a day of it.

At 23:45 on the 15^th, I picked up the one streamer I had and hung it on one side of my room. I was set with the décor ;). But, I didn’t have a cake, or even a chocolate bar, n CT isn’t keeping chocolates anymore. “Okay”, I said to myself; a cake isn’t always necessary. I would have to make sure that I had an awesome b’day. Decided to catch the Ahmedabad Heritage Walk at 8:00. called up Ma and asked her to wake me up at 6:00. then DK came over wished me at 00:00 J, I got a zillion calls too. Bhai, parents, friends, they wished me :). It wasn’t going bad at all. So what if I didn’t have a cake. That’s how probably it would be post 30 :)

Slept late, woke up late, so missed the walk. Rrgghhhhh!! Well, what now? I decided to make this day meaningful, wanted to find a place where people needed love and happiness. I’d spend my day with them, I thought. Looked up the web for an orphanage or old home, where I could share my happiness, at least for a day. It was Diwali, on the 17^th, would be great if I could get them some happy sweets, chocolates, and goodies. Couldn’t get enough info, so called up one of my seniors, Bhammo. He suggested some places and I loved the concept managed by Sulekha. But children were on their Diwali break and I could only catch them 10 days later. Hmm…..so? It was way past noon, and the day hadn’t picked up still.

Then I got a call, from some of my colleagues, and they had planned something at 17:30. They also wanted a little party in the evening. Ok! I reached the old FPM LAN on time, and there was my 1^st b’day cake. It was my favourite upside-down fruit cake. I was happy. We had so much fun! They had also arranged for a small round of snacks. There were veg puffs, which I usually don’t like, but believe me I loved them at that time. I slurped it up and it was absolutely delicious.

In the evening we went to Cellad eatery….an awesome salad bar. We had absolute fun, and the food was yummy! When I reached back, my dorm floor-mates had organized a little something, and this time I wished over an awesome rich chocolate cake with yummy chocolate shavings on top. It was 24:00. I had enormous fun entering my 4^th decade, as Abhishek joked ;)

Thanks everyone! I had absolute fun. It was a flawless birthday; more so, ‘coz it was so unexpected. I actually did absolutely nothing to make it happen, you guys did, and I’ll always cherish it.

Hiji-biji

..............%%$@@!$!!!! Yep...that's 'hiji-biji'......in bengali.....any outburst of nonsensical scribbles is hiji-biji.
Currently, that's the God of All Thingsthat adorn my life. Well.....we could make a Hollywood movie out of it. Crazy equations eating people's brains....they suck human brains! YUK!!! If you want to make this movie [ great concept ...huh?? ;) ], the sets are ready! Enter my room.....you'll see a sea of non-sense equations flowing incessantly all over, on almost every thing that you could rest your eyes on.
This is what I tell myself....every night...before I surrender to sweet slumber...."tomorrow morning, I'll wake up early, jog, have breakfast, and solve this huge mess of equations that I'm in right now. But holla....I wake up late (obviously...'coz I slept late....n well, that's the only good thing going on in my life right now). I skip all the healthy planned preludes that were supposed to kick-start my day, and I dedicate myself to creating some more of the c*** that's going to drown me one day....n beware....if you're one of my neighbours....you could be sucked in too!!
By afternoon, I feel I've done it! Yoohooooooo! But, my sweet celebration is nipped at its prime by a damned realization that I messed up a sign somewhere, or just deleted an important denominator, or something....that's gonna take a hell of time to be spotted.
Today was no different! I spent the whole day.....diligently taking care to stick to the routine....n now I have a closed-form expression for my problem. I never got that...ok...once I found one....but that was only b'coz I had messed up some where (as usual). That day I was excited....I was almost skipping around the LAN (the FPM lab on campus) going Eureka! But then I re-realized what a dud I am! So, today I'm skeptical....I know I've gone wrong some where. I tried so hard to prove that I had made another mistake....but nope....not found 1 yet! So it'll take another day....phew!!
KILL ME! KILL ME NOW!! :p

Radha

On my way back from Nal Sarovar, Gujarat, I was hogged by a swarm of kids mostly tots, begging for alms. This one was shy, almost embarrassed to beg.....I asked her name. "Radha", she smiled and reached out her little palm, "Please give me 5 Rupees. I've been hungry for 2 days". Then she stole a glance and looked back and smiled. That's what she'd been trained to say to strangers, the rest was oblivion.

some things don't budge !!

there are some who just don't budge...however much you try to measure up !!
check this out ... if you don't understand :)

Shotguns in the world of Advertising ;)

First it was Coke and Pepsi; sometimes Burger King took a shot at McDonald's, Kingfisher Airlines aimed at Jet Airways, and recently Horlicks & Complan, two health-drink majors in India, slung mud at each other. And now we have the newest entrants in the arena of Comparative advertising. Well, these are more vague in terms of what they are trying to sell, but they are big players and assuming people already know what they're selling, they could take this risk.
It's a lovely set of ads, witty and serving their apparent purposes of attempting to deface each other in front of their target consumers. Take a look.

Ridiculous Ads Again

ahh.....the sadistic critique in me has risen once more. Well, don't blame me....I have food for thought ;) While last time it was the 'Extended Stay Hotels' group this time it's a candy ad (in print) for Marbles sour candy (from Mentos). Have a look at the ads below.



I'm surprised at the idea of beings puking as an effect of the candy, which ironically has the USP of being an extremely sour candy. The ad was designed by Ogilvy and Mather, Mumbai, India, one of the wittiest pros in creative advertising. They had a sour candy campaign earlier for a gum named 'Centre Shock' and it was simply terrific. Witty humor punched into a punky storyline was blended absolutely perfectly with the product USP.

This is a funny concept; sure it is.....but not for a product that we are trying to entice people to eat/chew/whatever. Yukkkk!!
I love the idea of getting creative and wild with concepts when designing ads for not-so-serious products like gum, but hey, let's tug-on somewhere.

Hate mess food :(

That's a glimpse of some yummy food that I had prepared for bhai and me about 2 months back :) yeah ...i know ... i burnt up the fish a bit......but believe me it tasted good....'coz the condiments got so well-mixed inside the real stuff (that's baked salmon, btw :p ). Then there's a healthy mixed veg item with some italian seasoning tossed in, crunchy lettuce, baby carrot, and tomato salad, with a light vinaigrette dressing, and baked yam, cut up and seasoned with a light brush of olive oil and salt, roasted on a tawa...tikki style, and served with a dash of lemon-pepper dressing.

Ahhhhh.....that was one of the happiest months of my life....I simply had fun....unadulterated.....sans wrung-up thoughts and worries about the serious questions in life....life was like it used to be about 4 years back.....happy :)

Everything was magical.....I was with bhai :)

Surely You're Joking, Mr. Jatua!!

Mr. Jatua, the Minister of state for Information and Broadcasting, said that he was aware that quite a few of the present day ads in India are "deceptive"; e.g. fairness cream ads, and that they would be dealt with, under stipulations of the 'Cable TV Networks (Regulation) Act 1995', whenever issues were raised. Well, have we seen the Advertising Standards Council of India (“ASCI”) terms of regulation on ads? AMBIGUITY is the keyword. The job of the ad guy is to make a cute ad, just ensure it's saleable in the market at which the ad/product per se is targeted, and relish the ecstasy of success. NO RULES in the ad world here ;)

As long back as in 1928, Braithwaite (wrote that the primary motive behind a producer’s advertising decision is that advertising has the potential to concentrate demand upon the sponsored brand and hence provide the corresponding producers with increased monopoly power in the market; in simple English....the ad should be able to ease the product in to the market. The Economists Advisory Group (1967) and Batra, Myers, and Aaker (1996) referred to this potential in advertising as persuasion. Since we can't go about coaxing the potential buyer into purchasing the product we have to hit the right chord in their head, so that they feel the need for the product, while also believing that this one's the best bet for them. When the market is flooded with umpteen no. of look-alikes, what does the poor ad guy do? Spend the bucks and say "ME TOO"? Well?
Hmm....so they go about deceiving in some way or the other. Remember the funny Fairglo ad? "Yeh hai Mr. Kale, Mrs. Kale" (well Kale is a Maharashtrian surname, and PUN INTENDED, it also means black in Hindi, the language in which the ad spoke); and then we are introduced to Ms. Gore, the FAIR young daughter of the Kale couple, who apparently got bleached?? into a fair shade by a Fairglo soap. Somehow the ad was funny, the creative team managed to make the characters look thus. Well, the ad was ordered to be discontinued by the ASCI, under recommendations of the Consumer Complaints Council (CCC) that it was discriminatory and offensive. But well, all the other fairness creams work the same way.....they break just as many rules that the ASCI and the Cable TV Networks (Regulation) Act 1995 flaunt and which Mr. Jatua swears by. However, I understand, since no one has raised the issue yet ...they won't regulate the ads or their resp. contents.

Arererere..... Shahrukh bhai.......Aap bhi??

The recent ad wars between Horlicks and Complan also break the rules...BIG TIME. They are hugely deceptive, and to a more vulnerable clan of consumers. Well, the Coke & Pepsi ads can get away under terms of being ambiguous in naming the brands they were fighting. However, the issue here is not about taming ads and stripping them down to the boring product-detail levels....Yawn!!...but at least remove these pretentious stipulations when they are never conformed to.

if nature could speak

the Optimist


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Hidden Fairy


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Miles to go before I sleep

As Management Academics Can / Should we IGNORE the gaping cleft between Industry and Academia?

Yes, there is a gap, and the reason, I believe, lies in the way we work at both ends. I work in the field of advertising and recently met a few experts to gain insights on a concept that I am working on presently. During my talks with them, I could categorize them into three types, in terms their orientation to academics.
* While some of them are aware of what's going on in the academic end of the field, they are wary of applying our recommendations because they can't think of how to operationalize them.

* The 2nd group was unaware of what happened in academia. Believe me these were celebrated creative heads in big advertising companies, and they knew what they were doing. When I pressed on "how do you know what to do and what not to do?", the almost unanimous reply was, "we have a 'gut-feel' that is pruned by years of experience".

* Finally, the 3rd kind was experts who thought that we hunted down research problems since we didn't have anything better to do. As much as I disliked this, I couldn't ignore them completely when I looked at how consistently successful they were, w/o our help, and when they pointed out how theoretically fine but operationally inapplicable quite a bit of our work was.

Solution? During the 70's, Prof. Little set the example of working on a problem and stripping it down to the level where it becomes, well manager-oriented, if we may call it that. Sharing the views expressed by some friends, Mr. Denis and Prof. Erera, "Dumbing down the report or presentation is NOT the answer". While we select a problem for research, we must screen it through the relevance filter, permitting proposals that would be of worth to practitioners in the field. Of course we can work on hypothetical ideal situations, which can serve as the reference levels for ensuing normative work. However, we shouldn't forget to add the bit where we elucidate on the "How to apply it to problems stacked up on the managers' desk".

Wittgenstein’s Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus: Can we Know the Truth?

Ludwig Wittgenstein, in his famous work ‘Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus’, enunciated that there is ONLY ONE TRUTH that occurs with mathematical certainty (e.g. 2+2 =4); if we can’t speak it we’d rather be mum about it. I believe him. There is ONE OBJECTIVE REALITY; going round-and-round uttering otiose statements about a phenomenon, claiming them to be subjective explanations of the same, is akin to gibberish to me. However, I disagree at the last bit of his argument.

Wittgenstein argued that the world is made of independent atomic facts or elementary states of affairs from which larger and composite facts/ phenomena are constructed. Language however, begins from the atomic state like the world itself, but then conglomerates into complex propositions following logic. Finally, thoughts are generated as expressions in language to capture the aforesaid facts. Like some screenshot?

So what Wittgenstein’s work propagates is:

If your thoughts aren’t able to picture the elementary states of affairs, or the ultimate truths, they are not worth being expressed. A commendably bold statement! Don’t you think? But, I have a little tussle in my head about this. How do I know that my thoughts mirror absolute truth, unless I test it out? And how do I test them if I don’t express? When I started reading Wittgenstein, I was impressed, and believe me, he’s worth reading. Not once, but multiple times; well, I say that based on my experience with his work. Going by the intellectual abilities I hold, I didn’t get him all at once, but I was hungry for more. He keeps you panting and lusting for truth. What is the ultimate reality? But it all moves like a suspense thriller, sans the revelations in the end. Disappointment? No! What I experienced was an eagerness to read it again, hoping to unravel more this time. However, this time the rush that I felt was different. At the 1^st read I was amazed, almost bowled over but his masterpiece, his ways of thinking; now I didn’t agree at many points. Well I didn’t have the alternative bits of absolute truth, but I could prove by contradiction that what was expressed was not absolutely true. While I agree that subjective musings are not permissible unless one is sincerely trying to construct explanations to phenomena, bit-by-bit, I don’t agree that if you aren’t expressing absolute truth, all at once, you should practice silence.

Now I feel that I’m going gibberish! hehe....

The only thing I’d like to say before concluding is that as a researcher it is the constant expression of my work, irrespective of the accurateness of arguments, to guides and peers that is pushing me closer and closer to the construction of an explanation of truth. Everyday, I begin by testing my reasonings and 100-lines of scribbles with my guide. I express and he points out the flaws in reasoning. I go back and reattempt to bust it, using logic, of course. I talk to peers, we brainstorm at the little flawed expressions that we have thus far, with an invincible optimism that we’ll find the explanation.

Wittgenstein was a genius and I almost cherish the moments when I read him and felt almost enlightened. However, I believe that it is only persistent and humble Expression and not Silence that has the potential to pave the way to the ultimate revelations of truth.