Wishing the World a Very Cheerful 2011

I'm wishing for a year that's happy and peaceful.....sans needless worries, sans gloomy newspapers. Give me hard feedback... I'll be open to those (well, I didn't have much choice here.... but at least that's fair). Spare me the political vendetta washed out on the innocent, spare me the pompous and ridiculously 'neither here nor there' deals, spare me all that's mere fluff.

The year carries BIG dreams and promises for us :) Tons of effort to precede that - for sure - when did we ever get free stuffs? But I'm looking forward to a year when we'll fly through with dignity and good work. Amen!

Well, so today I started the day off with my work - prepping for my next 5 lectures. That's fun :) Then there came in some blasts from the past and I wanted to shed it all off. Wanted to cheer me up. Chocolates.... where art thou?

Yeah I have some cocoa powder in the house, but in no mood for the easy stuff, hot chocolate shake..... yukk....

I felt like a RRRRIICCHHHHH chocolatey cake :) The thought made me happy. But what about dad? He hates those :p
So le'me bake 2 - one my style ;) & the other his (sweeter & non-cocoa)

Since, there's going to be two of them.... I got into my crazy experiment mode..... make the chocolate flavour richer than ever before. Mom said.... "no - no"..... But I kinda believed that this would work. How could chocolate taste bad.... the way it works with chocs is "more is better"..... our petty eco fundae :)

So put flour n cocoa 1/2 n 1/2 and I got this yummy sizzling choco-cake, rich, and yummm :)

God... it's delicious :p Am at it right now.
& to top it.... Dad likes the one that was baked for him :) yay!
So thus begins my new year..... I know there are going to be challenges, some lulls from stingy sides too..... but we'll all succeed in the end.
We'll all have a Happy 2011!

Happy Feet - 1

Cheers to a world where we're free to live!!

A haiku-ish ode to the stunning Bannerghatta National Park

Oh…..that was a perfect day. Here’s how!!

I went with my good pal to the national park, and what a lovely surprise that was. Except the chained mammoths, every little being made me so happy. However, I didn't quite like the condition in which the lovely elephants were kept. they were chained at their ankles and could hardly move. That made me sad :(

But here are a few snaps that I clicked that day!

‘Grizzly-woozly bears’

Living on daydreams
who worries ’bout Monday morning blues
Yummy winter plans

'world wide web'


I like the one that charlotte spins right across my face
Almost everyday
I wince, but hey that doesn’t give me a sore neck

'Big Cats'


Ivory n mud stripes
elegance personified
A face adorning tunes of glory


'Zoo blues'

painted peafowl tap to rhythmic giggles
butterflies paint rainbows

but oh the teary-eyes on chained mammoths – I feel blue

‘Fish’

Cheery colors of spring
Swim by each bend
a fortress cracks

'Deer’

signature of elegance spire up corners of thy head
A stub of a tail n I see thee run
Pure bliss

‘Snake’

Your mystic swivel into the crafted woods
I’m weak in the knees - amazed, petrified
Respect!

celebrating a good week :)

so here's to a fine week after a long long time :)
great work, great work-out ;) n great fun too
so...i took a "let's get cr8ive" break here
made on MS paint - a happy young girl ..... let her be that way!

“India's commonwealth games ignominy makes Pakistan's cricket spot fixing look nirma-washed clean in comparison.!” says Barkha Dutt. I say “So true"

"We understand the concerns of member countries here for participation in CWG, but the situation is under control," says OC General Secretary Lalit Bhanot.
REALLY?

So that big giant bridge collapsing like a Godzilla, on 23 workers, was what - A freak show? Or hadn’t we grabbed enough attention already with (well…let me bullet point them…there are so many)
• Attacks near the gorgeous tourist destination Jama Masjid – this was such a great occasion to advertise India as one of the best tourist destinations in the World. It so is! But, naah ….. they’ll come down with their guns alright and shoot from their goddamned a***s! arggghhhhhh ….. it makes me so angry!
• Dengue – now it’s not them….it’s us. Boy are we filthy? Whose job is it? Just the municipality guys? Or is the CWG OC supposed to clean up behind us every time we cross some place… spitting and littering, n … yeah you name it! Not just any place, even at coveted places this is a phenomenon, and when I try to tell them “Sir, please don’t spit (or litter)” I get that weird stare “are you new around this place?” “yeah, I am! And I’ll make you history if you don’t learn how to behave”, I mutter to myself in disgust, and say “Please don’t litter Sir! It’s not hygienic, n neither pretty, n it’s not really that inconvenient to use the bins lined up right beside you”.
• Filthy and shameful standards of hygiene in the village – so much so that in addition to the crazy frowns we were slapped with an embarrassing clean-up deadline by the CWG authorities. C’mon! And to top it all Mr. Bhanot actually said this “Everyone has different standards about cleanliness. The Westerners have different standards, we have different ones”. I mean c’mon!!
• & then monsoons might mess up the opening ceremony of the CWG 2010 in Delhi! Well, what can be done? Let’s blame the Gods for this.
• Lax in security? Mike Duffy of Seven News (Auatralia’s Channel 7) easily entered the Jawahar Lal Nehru Stadium with a huge (and strange looking) suitcase full of crude explosives. Wow! But the OC spokesmen said that the test was not done during a security lockdown. Had it been done then, this wouldn’t have happened. So the whole thing is bogus! Well, let’s give you the benefit of doubt this time. But the phenomenon is not quite uncommon in our country - don’t know where else, but definitely not here (http://bellsofdervish.blogspot.com/2008/11/reply-to.html)


Let’s forget the unfinished painting bits, and the wiring and plumbing jobs for some time. Yeah, that’s going to be a wreck too unless we’re planning to hire a magician or two at the last hour, so that the hurried job ends up delivering. We have less than 2 weeks before the opening day and there’s an utter mess around the CWG 2010 event. I wish we could’ve used this to portray a strong political statement about our country. I salute China for pulling off the Beijing Olympics with such élan. Corruption breeds persistent habits you see, and even in an event as grand as this, we ate our hands off feeding ourselves those tainted alms; stealing people’s money! Who’d have thought that that silly bridge would collapse at a spot so difficult to cover for? Hard luck, huh?

Whatever! I have stopped hoping for any +ve externality for the country from CWG now. Seriously, can’t manage it! Then don’t take it! Why taint the face for the country in front of the whole world. I am embarrassed.


Photo courtesy: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/d83cb93c-c53f-11df-9563-00144feab49a.html?ftcamp=rss

Beral (The Cat) - Jibonananda Das

dedicated to my lovely bunch of kitties at IIMA (D2). I miss them sooo much....n today, when I saw this cat near the coffee shop I so yearned to go back to my dear ones at 'A' and pat them n hear them purr n meow at me :)

The God didn’t impress me this time!!

maybe he was trying too hard :|

“O Yaaron ….. Let’s go” doesn’t work out too well for me. Well I’m a Rahman fan … ‘coz? Well ‘coz he’s simply awesome. I was so looking forward to another massive Rahman hit …… but when I heard this CWG2010 no. for the 1st time….it was like one of those Suman Chatterjee/ Kabir Suman (whatever!!) no.s. Like som1 was trying too hard to give us a power-packed melody that was also a subtle n emphatic message, that would linger on forever (like waka waka ….boy, I loved that no.).

The lyrics especially stab us to death :p Reminds me of the Anu Malik shayiri gimmicks on EKLKBK or Indian Idol. Not Good!

Oh…. I understand the pressure ….. maybe Shakira wasn’t trying this hard to deliver. It just simply worked out like magic….the rawness of the moves, the melody, n the addictive fun …..waka waka will stay on my i-pod for a llllongggg time!
Hmm…… but yeah….I do understand the pressure Rahman babu. Wish you all the best next time :)

I’m sure u’ll set us all on fire again – sometime soon ;)
Cheers!

[photo courtesy AR Rahman fan page on face book http://www.facebook.com/#!/arrahman ]

A self-destructive camaraderie with an alternate reality

Eid Mubarak dear world ….. wish you peace!

Have been super-active today. Dunno what it is … but just completed a pretty energetic and useful 5 hours at work. So what’s the secret? The extremely numb corridors of my office, thanks to the Eid break :D, or did I just jinx the monotone of profligacy with my post last evening?

Whatever it was, I’m happier this way. So… thought of taking a blogging break over lunch… was sooo hungry! And completing the whole truth, I also needed to switch to the more important, right now kind of work. I’ve put that aside…dunno why, but have to get it over with before tomorrow :o

Wow… Believe me that’s a lot! Has it ever happened to you… that you sit down to work on something and all that pops up in your head are thoughts and ideas about another piece of work? They’re like these many interesting and useful z-balls which you know are dear and can’t let go off. So, you end up chasing them, trying to tame them all at once. I tamed one of those other balls which I could’ve left alone for some time.
You get the idea… my life literally needs some serious de-cluttering, well… I guess … Right Now!!

Ugghhhhh … I want to see a movie, I want to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi……
I guess I should pin the meme that’s in here right now…so that I can tame it before I lose it in a host of other ones… which more often than not are the more powerful ones. What am I saying?

Chao!

... and Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!
Ganapati Bappa Maurya! Mangal Moorti Mayrya!

There are Days.....

when there’s an ‘oh-so-powerful’ numinous force that makes me glide through a commendable volume of work. I wake up just at the right moment – enough sleep yet enough time to get ready, do yoga, clean up the house, enjoy a leisurely shower, wear an ironed set of clothes, relish over a lovely breakfast of fruits and cereal, and yet get hold of that damned shuttle ;) to office. At office, I surf the net (just enough) and work efficiently – oh, that’s so important! Reach home just in time to catch up with my family over a steaming cup of cha. Freshen up, and go for an hour-long dip in the pool, working out those extra dark chocolates that I love to nibble at. Return, grab a bowl of fruits, chit-chat with ma, help her with dinner stuff, leaf through some work, TV, food, and a cozy sleep. Well, this doesn't happen too often though. Most of my days just sink, with an annoying plop!

So what is it that makes these days work out so differently? Hmm… That’s the worst part … I know what it is…… I procrastinate! Does it happen to you too?

when you don't care what they all think ......

....and do what you want to do
drowning in a passion - that knows no bound
setting the limits - that you wish kept going
knowing a world - which you create every day
you make the rules - you pave the way
oh what life - each day you'd yearn
to see more of it - to count every sun

I thank thee o Lord - 'coz you've been kind
to have made me see my own dreams unwind
Today I care for those that I loved
since the day I knew senses I'd seen them by me
Then 23 years later you gave me another
shining guiding sun - inspiring me, holding my hands
lest I slip.
I'll see thee too - everyday I pray
Thanking you in silence for moulding my today!

How about if we live for passion and let passion help live?

Let me reach there just for the heck of it

I hope life’s not just some random buzz!
Would we, if we’d not known death - that it stood by some lean corner of life, that it’d let me be for a long time maybe - tread?

Would we strain n toil n stretch to reach that gold line – quick, If we’d not known that there’s a stop somewhere?

Makes me wonder!

Are we better than animals, or worse? Can we graze on for hours, or just laze in the sultry sun, or just be? I’ll work if I want to work. Not ‘coz I need to. Not ‘coz there’s an armed guardian on the loose. What’s life? A rough ride to earn a few comforting alms?
It makes me sick.
I’d rather be born a cheetah, or a viper, or a rat, maybe, than be reduced to a slave.

I’d do my research, n not worry about anything else. Teach when I want to, and when I deem it fair.

Went to my 1st faculty meeting at IIMB.
Was lucky to have caught it just 2 days after joining
Got a hang of their expectations n mine just in time to set in quick. It was a warm welcome to the new one.

I sat in the concentricity of that room, between the waffled layers, enthused by the fact that it was my 1st meet. Would I add value? I was confident before I began. Then it sank in. I'd have to rush to prove my worth. Show the numbers!

Numbers for what? How would I enumerate quality? The idea was precisely that. There’s a number up on the board somewhere. Bold and looming. Reach that and you’ll be appraised.
So quality goes down the drain? Or is it queued up in the end somewhere? I want to swirl through the dimensions that I have set foot on and then to places new. I want to explore in crevices that set a spark in my little brain, humbled in this sea of enlightened educationists. I feel dwarfed by their achievements; most of them. Respect!

But I want to explore to my heart’s content; am working precisely on the track that I had declared before I was chosen. Let me set my own limits. Believe!

And then I ask myself: Can I latch on for some time and set my niche before the numbers get me?

I met a sweet one today. Happy and enthused. Work! That’s what she does. ‘Coz she loves it. I felt strengthened. Capabilities of mine? Oh, yes, I am yet to prove them to myself 1st. There’s a dense desire in me to aim and see what my best shot’s worth.

Let time make me buoyant with a cohort that I can look up to. That’d make me run that extra mile with a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eyes. A rectangular cube and a desk, is not where I want to squeeze into. I want the world for me, with arms opened wide, waiting to give me a warm beginning.

I guess I'm trying to say "Thank you"

Some time back I came across this word: Gokurousama. It means "Thank you for your troubles" in Japanese.

I instantly fell in love with it and noted it down somewhere. Today, while flipping through pages of my arbitrary invaluables, I rediscovered it and oh the pangs of nostalgia bit me hard! Today, as I turn on a new leaf in my life I want to say “Gokurousama”.

“Gokurousama! For when I had 5 years full of it I unwittingly let go of 2; today I wish I had kept them all for myself. I wish I knew! I wish I could hold it still. I wish ……”

Grace!!

when my way groweth drear .....

I enjoy making a silly glop every now n then in MS Paint
It's awesome...when a little blotch turns out to be this amazing piece of my heart - speaking out my mind .... expressing :)

well i am time-starved .... at least I am supposed to be so
but alas.... i guess my little head doesn't really get that quite right
so i wander ...... my soul knows no bound

today i buried my little impossible dreams and whoa.... i saw a world of light and colors
a riot of "YES"; a gleam of "of course my dear"
so i rise again
will i shine too? again?
i will...you see!

[the title is a portion from one of my favourite hymns "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" by Rev. Dorsey]

Let's Save :)

made in MS Paint :)

Please SAVE this cutie ....

This is Shakespeare (name courtesy Lisa) ....the name 'coz he's an avid reader. Don't believe me? Well... the VSLibrary at IIMA is his favourite hangout :p n he has that lazy-learned aura about him ;)
ok...jokes aside....He's cute, healthy, n is very affectionate. His lovely brown-black coat makes him even more irresistible n cuddly :)
He urgently needs a home; he's been a bit upset lately 'coz of lack of care and some bullying by ignorant brats around here. He's very lovable ... so do consider adopting him if you love animals or pass on the message and help him get a loving home; else people are considering euthanizing him :(
Please save Shakespeare!

The Woof Woof saga of my life – Part 1

….now that my dog-love button has been restarted I remember all those years of pure fun, kindness (not just from me to them….it came both ways), love, affection, trust …..such sweet memories!

Where it all began…..

I was an avid dog-lover…yeah avid…that’s the adjective, n yeah it had b’com a thing of my past (until recently) since 2002! The place where I grew up in was a huge ECL (Coal India) colony with high walls lining its circumference. And we had dogs …. all over the place! About 20-30 dogs including pups (mostly pure Indian breeds) populated our colony. Most of the people there, about 60 odd families, loved them.

We (my Mom, me, bhai, n our next door neighbour Mukherjee aunty) had named each of them. There was Nepali (I named him this ’coz he had those cute Asian features), Kalu (me again - well ‘coz he had a black coat, which btw was beautiful n silky), Sush (courtesy Ma - coz she was the prettiest lil white thing n Ma’am Sush was the reigning Miss Universe then), Mejo (bhai had named this one…coz it was a mid-sized dog and in Bangla…mejo is a colloquial term for the middle one), Lalmoni (Mukherjee aunty – as this one had a lush reddish-brown coat n ‘moni’ stands for the dear one :) ), Tommy (we were out of names n since we had named it’s sister lalmoni, we just found a name n started calling him that :) ), B[n]adu (ma thought he was a Bandar-mukhi – the moneky-faced one), n there were many more. We loved them all. It’s been 10 years since we’ve moved more than 150 kms away from there. Ma used to make extra chapattis for them, we played with them all the time, they got a good yelling when they did something naughty…hehe just like me n bhai :p .

Sometimes when they’d get into fights amongst themselves, I would get inside their little woofy-howly episodes and break the fight. They never attacked me. I did this ‘coz they’d get bruised n wounded in these fights n I hated that ‘coz they’d limp after that, or have a broken ear, or something as painful. But you know what…I got into trouble because of this on a strange street long back. These dogs didn’t know me n I was in the habit of trying to break these fights. When I saw them getting at each other, I stepped close n stupidly enough tried to stop them…..tried making “tch tch” sounds, yelled at them asking them to stop. And while most of them got confused and stopped, one of the full-grown males suddenly came right at me ….. I managed a narrow escape. I swore I’d never get too close to unknown ones until I had ascertained to them that I’m not there to hurt them.

I so miss those good ol’ days, n I miss Nepali – he was one of my favourite friends. I loved him n patted him …. n even though he was not one of those dogs which loved being cuddled….he loved it when I did it. I miss him! He waited for me near the colony entrance gate just around the time when I’d come back from school. He’d jump up a bit, wag his little tail, make little groaning sounds until I patted him. Then he’d go. I’d have to call out to it to bring it back n feed it. He never demanded food … just a pat n some love J. Now, I am jealous of God ‘coz he has him. I hope he’s having a great time getting the fairy services in heaven ;)

However, I will always love you n cherish those days when you were around. I miss you! Btw, you still adorn many of my secret codes n passwords …. RIP!

A quick rendezvous with my roots - Magical Shantipur

This is going to be a lllooonnngggggg one ..... so., readers beware! I have been thinking of putting up this post to share my awe at the beauty of the past.....Oh what an experience! I visited Shantipur this Holi....it's my Ma's granpa's place. Yeah yeah ... I have said this before, but quoting Ross "I havent said what I'm about to say, vis-a-vis - the following" :p
hehe....ok ok it really was an amazing experience n let me not dilute it all up with silly jokes :|
so...here's an account of my experience.
I went there with my granma, uncle, aunt, n cousin and on our way heard some amazing tales about how Holi is going to be a completely out-of-this-world experience at Shantipur. I was already excited!

This is my granma btw....isn't she beautiful!!

Ma didn't grow up in Shantipur, she just visited the place with her family, every Durga Pujo until we happened :| However, when I visited Shantipur this time, I felt connected. I had never felt this way earlier; but that's maybe 'coz I've never stayed there for more than a day, n in my whole life, I had just been there thrice earlier. I felt so connected. The huge buildings are writhing with age, but they still ooze grace and bear the marks of the blue blood that flows down its veins....hopefully some of it has trickled down to mine as well :|

I remember when I had been here in 2004 (six years back).... the hazed part (right corner) of this picture bore a continuation of this building. We stayed there for a night. It was ok then...it's all breaking down. Ahhh...it made my heart ache. The little corners still seemed to call out, "come in my child, sit down here; I still have some shade saved for you", I almost heard it say. I wish we could do something about it...save it. When i asked granny, she said that ours is a large family.....it belongs to all of us....n technically I'm not a part of it as I'm a Chakrabarty n they're the Moitras.....I'm just a tertiary branch hanging somewhere far. My uncles want to save it too.....but it's a huge deal trying to pull out the rights to work on something that belongs to "everybody"....most of whom don't even give a damn.....whatever... "it is all very complicated", I was told.

See this well? It hasn't changed...probably the only thing that looks just the same....irrespective of how many walls crumble down, how many roots turn up, it never dries. It is known as an 'Idara' in Bangla.... a well that never dries.

This portion .... arghhhh.... looks spooky...n I wasn't allowed to go in and see....apparently no one has been in there for years. Still.....looks beautiful!
This is the 'Nachghar', at the entrance gate of out house - the 'Moitra Bari'. This was the 'Nahabat Khana' were music and dance performances were held during ceremonies and festivals, in ancient times.
Well.... it's cliched hotels and guest houses like this one that I'm thankful to for letting us stay in during our visits to our ancestral house. The house is in such state now that we could not stay in there. Sad but well.... all great things come to an end...and maybe that's what's happening to us and our majestic house. I just wish we .... at least us, brothers and sisters, can save the house some day and stay there during festivals.... we all want to, our parents too...let's see if we can achieve the impossible.
Beautiful temples built by our forefathers, eras before today, still stand tall, thanks to the lovely architecture. All the temples have a unique built. They all stand high on a 8-10 feet base, and are surrounded by thick walls, with not much room inside. Maybe that's the secret...not much of suspended stuff....so they are better armored to sustain the ravages of time.

This is our 'Ananda Gopal', the baby Lord Krishna. Ahhhh...he's adorable! His little palm stretched out asking for a 'Kheer Laddu', his large eyes bearing a naughty look calling out "pamper me, wont you?". Oh...I love him...we all do and we miss him when we come back every time. Probably he'll make our wishes come true one day.
I know we can't return to Shantipur for good, but I hope we can save the land that bears our roots, so that we can visit to catch up - with siblings, distant uncles and aunts, people who we connect to oh so easily, and with a little part of our soul that's stuck there! :)

shredding n simplifying n ...... you figure it out

One fine day, when I was walking down the brick-stud lanes of IIMA, chirping like a gay robin thinking “what a pat I’d get on my back for my game theory term paper!” I was bombed. You know who dropped it on me? My current advisor, who during that time I was trying to impress with my work so that he’d agree to guide me on my juggling acts of putting together a decent dissertation. Well….when I got my senses back I realized that the injury was primarily from splinters that had lightly scraped the hell out of me….. “ooohhh….ahhhh…ouuchhhhh…phooo…phoooo”!

What he had said was this...."Patrali...what's the matter with you? your writing makes no sense". And all my life...in school, grad days....I was told that I had excellent writing skills....it all fell flat...shhmmughfffllleeee splat!

I am still recovering…don’t know if I’d ever come out of the shock. Even though experts say that I’d be fine….I don’t see any signs.

As a kid, almost all my well-wishing elders preached me the virtues of honesty, modesty, and simplicity. Well….let me tell you what I’ve got out of this thus far. Maybe it’s possible for one to muster some flair along the lines of the 1^st two ….of course you’d have to trudge rough roads a bit (me? not there yet...not even trying). And if you’re talking about attaining simplicity…..forget about it! Who would’ve thought while coining this innocent term that it wouldn’t after all be all that simple?

I realized this when I attempted writing up my research. “ooohh…aahhhhh…splinter splinter….phooooo”! The 1^st feedback I got from my then would-be advisor was that I write like I was creating a jigsaw puzzle and messing up the pieces for the reader to figure out. All the pieces were there …but if you were reading it you'd want to beat the hell out of me (the writer) and file a section 307 against me. It’s been 3 years since I was that gay robin; now.... I’m all messed up….except that now I know that I’m messed up.

So what is this simplicity….a tongue-slurping lizard of some kind? Freaking the hell out of young writers? Following is a gist of what I’ve figured out thus far. The 1^st thing we need to achieve in order to attain simplicity in writing is get the FOCUS right. Well, at the end of my thesis journey…I hope I’ve got that…for the least :p

But that doesn’t stop the damned lizard from flashing its nasty tongue at you ….. there are several other levers attached to it. It’s like a lifestyle! Being able to identify jargons from terms, being able to know when you type the equation and when you type out runny sentences to explain ….a-a-a-a….not too much…just the right amount! It’s making the work sound interesting without making the reader wonder “Boy I must be stupid; or did I miss something? Oh…check out the nice chick at 10 o’clock!”, or worse still making them go “what the hell are you reading?”

Now some side-effects of missing the catch called simplicity…. I’ve been shredding reams of copies of my whole work – spiral bound and everything…glad it’s less than 120 pages. I was told not to dump them like our usual course-mats. I have some 10 more of those lying around ‘coz my palms and fingers are sore, as there’s no shredder bot on campus. I was thinking it might be easier to eat them…. At least I’d get my daily dose of fiber…not so prevalent in our canteen menu ;) Or maybe I just need some sleep!

an ode to the burn....

Burn the fire in me, set thee free
Smoke'll shroud the world to let me be.
A hue, or should I say a stain, will sure cling back;
A hue that's now part o' my soul, part o' my esprit.

Peace!

well if you winced........I'd pity you!

This is my new-found love. I spotted her/him (?) well dunno.....well spotted it (safer :p) near an old temple (Shyam Chand) in Shantipur, West Bengal. I was visiting my mom's ancestral home to seek blessings from our ancestral deity -the dear 'Anando Gopal'. Boy...does he have a great pampering during Holi. I also got to meet my siblings and we all had a great time this Holi :)

Well....coming back to my love :) ....as soon as I stepped out of the car, camera hooped around my neck, this cute little creature came up to me - a little afraid, but wagging its tiny tail vigorously to express its affection. It was absolutely adorable. Its large brown eyes looked up at me, a cute little mouth turned up in a pout. I loved it. I sat down and it came closer in excitement. It had some kind of skin disease, the hair had disappeared here and there and I was a little skeptical about patting this cute little thing. I wanted to, but I didn't 'coz I feared I'd catch its sickness. Arrggghhhhh I pity myself and feel sad at the thought of how selfishly I behaved. I tried to show it my affection by making little sounds; trying to say that I loved it. And all the while I felt guilty of not being able to get close to it out of a petty fear that it was a sick pup. We left. I feel sad now that I didn't care enough to show some love to this little creature; innocent as it was, it probably got this sickness 'coz of us...people, who pollute this world left-right-n-centre. And the worst bit is...whoever sees this pic laughs at me and says that I'm crazy to have kept this picture :(
I am sorry my dear love, you wont believe it but I so yearn to see you again and if I do, I'll cuddle you and love you so much. God bless you dear friend!

Chintuji ...... a riot of simplicity and cuteness

“This story is about Hadbahedi, a utopian town. Wish it could be true!”

This film is Rishi Kapoor’s (Chintuji) tribute to his father Raj Kapoor, and believe me it is such a devoted attempt! However, I couldn’t help notice the stark resemblance of the storyline with Bhisham Sahni’s ‘The Boss Came to Dinner’; only here the whole village plays the role of the ever-sacrificing mother. I know it sounds clichéd here, but believe me it is quite adorable. The image of a utopian town and its people almost makes you wish that there was a real town like it. People are happy and content. They love and believe in each other, make ghor prayashchitt - they diligently attempt to amend and make-up for their sins, if any, are peace-loving, and are basically content. They’re a happy bunch who swear by their saint ‘Satyakaam’ and never wrong.

The tag-line: it is simple. However, it does take crisp pot-shots at real life biggies every now and then – you know, at the Mallyas, rail mantris, and Amar Babus who ride the film-polity bandwagon. The film apparently had a very humble promo work before release in September (I guess) 2009…so most of us probably missed it, but it is a cute must-see, if not an Oscar ensemble.

RK does a wonderful job. The film is directed by Ranjit Kapoor, of Jaane bhi do Yaaron, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, Bandit Queen, and The Legend of Bhagat Singh fame. He’s also the father of Annu Kapoor and Grusha Kapoor, who've both bagged cute roles in the film, and have done well too. While the veteran Om Puri weaves magic with his amazing baritone from behind the camera, the adorable RK and Saurabh Shukla are cute and absolutely adorable on-screen.

The story is simple, sweet, no-glitz, no-nonsense running around trees in alien lands, hence, not much money flushed down…you know where. Well, so if you’re looking for a cute heroine, clad in pink-n-purple barely there tops and µ-minis, and fully loaded with amazing layers of make-up ….ohhhh the usual riot of colors on eyelids and eyelashes, hair and lips, nails and cheek-bones…this ones not for you.

There is a subtle green-eyed and dimple-cheeked lass, Kulraj Randhawa playing ‘Devika’, Chintuji’s PR manager, managing to add some gloss to the canvas every now and then. However, the still beautiful Kseniya Riyabinkina, you know the beautiful actress who played a Russian trapeze artist in Raj Kapoor’s Mera Naam Joker, steals the show in the 1 minute she appears on-screen. She still looks the same – petite, doe-eyed, innocent smile, just a few seasons added to her grace. Devika is paired alongside Priyanshu Chatterjee, who plays a runaway terror suspect, alias ‘Arun Bakshi’ - the local newspaper editor. He is apparently innocent and is being framed by the bad guys.

The almost crippled with make-up and tight-clothed Sophie Choudhury makes a small appearance, acting herself….you know a typical Bollywood chic ;) She does live up to her 9tanki image as well. & then there are cute and innocent village oldies here and there, who just run around doing their cute old guys’ acts making the story even cuter. It’s a nice film, a shame that it bombed at the box-office!

And here’s to Rishi Kapoor, he must be a real darling that he signed on to playing such a negative character....a completely spoilt brat…even though he’s playing his own real name. A thing rarely seen in this image-savvy industry. Hats off :)

lend me a drop, lend me a dip, drown me forever - I pray

"Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." - Bertrand Russel

Here’s something I had a faint belief in. I had also once scribbled it down somewhere….yeah….somewhere, can’t trace it now. But here’s the gist of what I had written – “Is it me, or has He saved me the best for the last”.

It was a pun…definitely….the He was – you know – the omnipotent Almighty! But I had written it down when I was toiling, and toiling so hard; sometimes the wait seemed like eternity. On some days I’d spend hours waiting outside W3 or face the lily pond in new campus…only there were no lilies in it then. It stared back at me and said nothing; I waited.

Then things changed …. for the best. He had saved for me “the best for the last” and I am so thankful he did. It’s so much sweeter that way and what I have with me now is that I have grown up. Thank you!

When I look now, I see the warmth; I see what I had been looking for, for years. And I see more. A crystal drop shimmering at the corner, stealing a glance from me. An enigma that I can decode when I look. A well of emotions that’s so deep, I want to drown. Lend me a dip, will you?

Chaos 2010 at IIMA: My last Chaos here - an eye-opener to me

IIMA - the heavenly abode of 600+ PGPs, about 80 FPMs (doctoral students), some 80+ faculty members, and another 200+ executive MBA participants. Chaos opens up the vent of adrenalin to IIMA, seeping into every crevice and channel; be it student, or faculty, and other dedicated workers here, every one is drenched to the core. An amazing experience - Chaos.

Chaos is random….as the name suggests – not much order or decorum maintained; that’s actually the whole point. I had been missing this event since the past two years: well, I was busy with my work. And believe me, just scanning the schedule doesn’t give you any idea how hopelessly chaotic and hence absolute fun it’s going to be. I missed chaos, and didn’t regret it, until this year.

I decided to go for the limelight events and some music and dance events – cumulating to about an evening and about 3-4 more hours of the total 50 rockingggg ones. Well that was the plan. The 1^st two days happened that way. However, I just loosened up from day 3, actually night 3. It was the Sonu Niigaam and Kavita Seth night and it was all absolutely amazing. We had so much fun: we danced, we enjoyed, and amidst that I kept wondering “would I ever make it to where he is standing today?” ….. that’s been my dream ForEver! On the next day, I was asked to judge an eastern solo music event – RAAGA. I accepted the work and had an amazing and absolutely heart-wrenching experience. I wanted to award at least 6 people…..who were all amazing. I also wanted to accredit another 6 participants, who were equally talented, but slipped during this particular performance. Well we were only allowed to give 4 prizes: 1^st, 2^nd, and 2 "consolations". Arghhhh….I hate that term….I wanted to call this set (at least) “you were equally amazing” awards.

After this event I spoke to some participants and two of these participants Kavish and Shubham touched me. Their passion for music was amazing. I felt the fire that I had kept simmering inside me – they set me ablaze. And I wondered, “what am I doing?” For years, I had been postponing the plan of pursuing music and dance in a hope that I’d take it up after I’ve secured my life enough. Ma becomes a bit worried about this craziness of mine….which I keep suppressed generally, only to fail miserably at times like this - when I am face-to-face with my real dream. I want it so bad! I know I’ll repent it at my last breath - repent that I didn’t even try. Well! It’s high time I gave it a real shot. I have decided to dedicate a complete year to hone myself and try myself out to check if I have what it takes to be there.

So here I am today. Chaos ended on the 31^st. Yesterday I planned – a well hedged plan – shooing away some of the most obvious risks associated with the clichéd “in case I fail”. Discussed it in detail with ma, baba, and a dear friend. I’m good to go! :)

I have three people to acknowledge for opening my eyes to tell me that I have to try it out for real, and not postpone it to be pursued from the ‘beyond’. Well, the maestro…Niigaam saab, the immensely talented being, during whose performance I shifted to a trance about a couple of times thinking of the real dream in me. And Kavish and Shubham, thanks little ones. I know it was barely a 10 minute interaction with you, but you touched me and shook the hell out of me. Thank you! You will stay dear to me, forever :)

I love academia…..well, I feel it’s a very sincere place to be in. I love research…..I do! But I love music more than anything else. If I could do both, I would: but I have to make a choice now. I’m giving myself 8 months (starting April 2010). If I can’t do what I want to….I’ll come back. I know, it’s not fair to dedicate so many years to academia and just 8 months to my real passion; but I’m a normal worldly animal….that’s all I can afford. I will try my best…..if I can see any light there for me, I’ll stay. I would love to multitask and manage both….but don’t think I’ll succeed. Let’s see! I’ll try whatsoever.

So, here’s “to Me”!

Recipe: Amazing Green tea!

Here I am again! Now that I am nearing the end of my term at IIMA, I am growing more and more into a tea/coffee freak. Ahh......today I prepared this amazing cup of green tea! Well, I started drinking gren tea, 'coz prageet keeps telling me that too much of tea isn't good for health, esp. for females who need more iron; and caffeine apparently can retard iron absorption. Further, tannin may aggravate cases of constipation. whoa..... :o
So, I tried to make a gradual switch towards the green variety (which is considered a therapeutic wonder 'coz of its high flavonoid content and less tannin and caffeine, I guess)....well, frankly, I hated it at first. It was like having warm water that's slightly bitter and kind of weird :|
I tried to divide my day's consumption of tea into green and black :)
Well, I can't live without tea....may be Ma's to be blamed for this.....she deprived me and bhai of these delicious drops of amrit for so many years that my body just needs to make up for it (maybe bhai's share too) :p
So....the bottom-line...... I have to have tea ...... at least 4 cups....everyday :)

argghhhh...I get so carried away :p
I started writing this post to record this beautiful new recipe that I came up with about 1/2 hour back......I loved it :)

Here's what I did:

I took a little ginger (well, I am in a hostel...so I have this sun-dried spiced ginger stuff that I washed thoroughly to get rid of as much of the spice-coating as possible). I boiled a cup of water, soaked the ginger in a little boiling water and let the rest of the water rest till the temperature came down a bit. Then I added 1 tsp amla juice (I'm out of lemons; but this thing tasted great - a nice change). After that I put in the green-tea bag (used Tetley 'Green Tea'), added 3/4 tsp. honey (I don't like it too sweet) and there it was :)
A perky, yet subtle, cup of delicious tea :)

Tip: Don't brew green tea in boiling water .....strips it of its real flavor :)

Gloria in excelsis Deo!

A long long time ago, when time hath stood still;
When frowns stared back;
They demanded a war.

A lovely Sun hath risen;
A Sun that was destined to shine everyday.
Dark clouds hovered around for some days.
Testing and trying each sinew that writhed in its own salinity.

They didn't relent.
Clouds gave up and set way for the golden rays to seep in again.

Glory (be) to God who reigns atop every possible height!

*******************

.......sometimes I write stuffs like this. Don't know why....but some kinda urge to write happens....and I ramble :)

That's a pic of my Bhai (my little bro). I had clicked this one during our trip to Yosemite National park. That was an amazing trip. Put that pic on this.....'coz I love my bro....and he left for his work-station today. He was visiting Ma and Baba for about three weeks .... I got to be with him for just about a week :(
I love him so much! I'm the luckiest sis in the whole world....'coz he's the best bhai God hath ever designed :)

Good work up there!!
When I come up there.....I'm going to give you some great CV points ;)

A new flavour of coffee I discovered today ...... Yum!

I know it's bad manner to go "Yum" on your own recipe.....but God....can't help it. Wow!

I felt like some coffee...really late ....about 1:30 a.m. or so....
So I made myself a cup.....n did quite an experiment with it too
and it went well.....as you must've guessed by now
....just loved it

here's what I did
I took:
2 tsp ground coffee (I took Nescafe Classic)
a big pinch of crushed orange peel (sun-dried)
a pinch of cinnamon
one medium-sized clove (crushed)
a pinch of cocoa-powder (unsweetened)

I mixed up the spices and brewed a little beyond boil (took a large cup of water to boil). Added the coffee and let it stand off flame. Sprinkled the cocoa at last. Stirred and relished! Makes a full mug.

Amazing! Refreshed me to my guts :)

Run….run thy calves off

Today, I ran, actually jogged for about an hour. Well I've been feeling quite unfit for a while now....and everyday before retiring I promise to myself that I'll exercise on the next day and eat right. But promises are just to me made ..... that's how it works for me :p

But today, I exercised for an hour....and quite efficiently so. All the while I listened to 2 of the interviews that I had done with ad experts for my thesis. I actually have started this lunch pack deal with some guys who call themselves ‘nutrimeal’; and it was damn spicy. Well….for me! For the regular people it would be ok. I was feeling weird in my tummy the whole afternoon and evening, until I put my joggers on and started trotting. At 1^st I put on some music, then I realized…instead of wasting time…why don’t I put on stuffs that I need to hear. Nice huh?

I didn’t jog all the time…I broke the monotone with occasional shoulder rotations, arm flings and stretches (side-wise), lunges, tadasan (mountain-pose yoga), and trikonasan (triangle-pose yoga). I ended with surya-namaskar (yoga) and standing kapal-bhaati (300 puffs). Feel amazing now.

However, in retrospect…..since I’ve exercised after a long time today, I’ll feel the effect of it tomorrow mostly on:
1) the thighs: my quads will be sore,
2) dear God my calves will hurt
3) back of arms and shoulders… triceps (urgghhhh)
4) and upper abs.

Phew……n if I don’t exercise tomorrow….this effort will go waste. So I will exercise tomorrow. Will I? let’s see :p

....then there was light

Well.....4 years ain't enough to know someone.....even if that's your mentor(s)! I am working on my dissertation, and well.....the 1st and maybe (too hard) thing that he had told me on the 1st day was that " there'll be very little hand-holding from my side. You'll have to be self-sufficient...'coz I have too many things laid out on my table to be taken care of through the next couple of years". I was scared, but I'm happy that I didn't let go. Whatever little hand he extended or didn't extend I grabbed on and tried to stay afloat all this while. Some times I felt, why shouldn't I get a little more care .... like my mates in LAN....how they're so pampered and how they manage to party so much, play addictive games on the net (actually I envied how they could get into another addiction), and have fun! May be they were a tad smarter than me! But I so wanted to break free sometimes!

But I was so wrong.....I am so glad I was :)
I toiled hard.....they made me! When they just let me a tip of their finger, they did it on purpose, so that I could grow up one day, and manage the steering wheel myself. Once in a while they'd give the wheel a loud spin, in case I had taken a wrong turn. They knew what they were doing, and I had no idea. I was a puppet but they pulled the strings only to save me from a fall. I had to to stay afloat with a peck of resources to aid me. One let me meet him everyday as long as he was physically around, but I stood for hours in front of Wing 3. With another, I called up and got one meeting in 1 and sometimes 2 months. That's how 3rd year treated me. They made me do it all! & when I met them with an output file....they critiqued, and critiqued so hard, I had to work more!

Today, when things are looking up, when I get the credits, they sit by me and smile! They still give me the push when I need one, when I am reluctant to go up and talk to that big guy! & then when that guy tells me that I've done a good job, I realize what I was doing all these years. They made me toil, so that one day I could grow up!

I always fantasized that my PhD guide would be someone who'd be like a third parent. Well I got more than that.....I got a bunch of new mentors who just don't say it out loud that they care....but who walks into the LAN looking for me when he has a new idea to polish my problem, or who is fumbling around looking for the best place for me in my next step ahead!

Awwww.......I love you all :)
Thanks a lot for all that you've been to me! I feel so proud to just be a part of your BIG world. Thanks a lot!

My state (right now)

with all the lucrative placement deals buzzing around me....the patang-season, and so many partying FPMs......the possibility that my little bulb glows has dimmed :p

Happy Uttarayan!!

The FPM Journey

Writing a thesis is very boring! It was amazing when I was working on it...you know deciding on the exact research questions, method to be followed, designing the experiments, designing ads, running the experiments and analyzing the data, working on my model, running miles of rigorous algebra, interpreting the comparative statics....it was an awesome lot of excitement. It was amazing when one fine day I'd find a great result.

Then when I got the signal that the work was done, I started writing it all up. Fortunately, I practiced documenting my work simultaneously with the real exercises.....all that was to be done now was compile it all in one thesis. That almost killed me! Now I am into my n-th edit..... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......and I am bored.

So I just made this little sketch in MS Paint and colored it there itself.
Well....I'm not a pro but I love the final look of it :)

It calls out to me.....says, "Ahhhhhh.....FPM......A Wonderful Journey!"
There's fun, there's excitement, there's frustration, deadlines, miles of literature to master, victory in finding awesome results, challenge of proving the worth of the work....the rigorous 4+ years put in.....an invisible hand that guides from above, a few visible hands to hold on to during the tough walk, thrill, monotone, variety - and the challenge of managing all of them together, inspiration, hopes, bashings and accolades, nostalgia on-and-off the regal burnt-brick walls, ........ a whole new world where I began.....a world that I had fallen in love with from day-1, a world that I can count on forever, a world that runs in my veins now.

I love you IIMA! :)

Again....

A slumber did she slip into
They wrenched her soul apart,
Scream’d aloud, she saw the cloud
She fumbled in the dark.

They saw her there, they didn’t come
Reaching out a palm,
She picked her up she straightened out
Never to be torn apart.

The light that was, stared at her face
She blinked a dreamy lash,
She saw that smile, she cared no more
She’d make another start

Advertising brings them to the bank, maybe they’ll stick a finger in too; but they’ll dive in only if they’re sure that the water’s nice n deep.

[post on a concept I had found interesting long back (read at ur own peril :D )]

As someone once said, “….Behaviour is controlled by the consequences of behaviour itself”.

This is the 1^st brick in the foundation of the concept ‘Operant Conditioning’, also known as ‘Instrumental Learning’. A concept that the classic ‘A Clockwork Orange’ is based on, its implementation on intended subjects, is vested on the crucial aspects of role and timing of the reinforcements on them. You must see the film to really get this!

The process, unlike that in Conditional Learning, induces voluntary behaviour in the desired direction, and subjects make necessary changes, and quite willingly so, in their environment to incorporate the same.

Revolutionary work of Edward Thorndike and B.F. Skinner, both American psychologists, unveiled the possibility of inducing voluntary behavior transitions of intended beings (human & animals alike) in a specific direction. The concept was transfused into the core of advertising, by Gerald J. Gorn. Persuade them; make them choose you amongst a host of competing alternatives, unaware of the directing wheel that you turn. However, advertising cannot sustain you: ‘coz, behaviour when followed by positive experience is typically reinforced, whereas behaviour when followed by negative outcomes are quit.

Advertising can just make them try…..keeping them locked in is a task bred deeper still.

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

Came across this saying by Groucho Marx, and I so loved it. It got me wondering, do I have any such friend? And then I found 2 names….almost instantly and I knew they fit.
[Well, I left my parents out of this, ‘coz, well they’d do anything to keep the evil away from me, 'coz they are the best parents in the whole world]
The 1^st one’s bhai, my little brother, who’s my best pal. He has stuck to me through all thick n thin. He’s taken care of me, pampered me, loved me so, and he’s always been there for me – to listen to me, help me, advise me. He's the best!
The 2^nd one is Banani, my childhood pal. We went to school together for 11 years (KG to X) and she was just awesome. We weren’t friends from the 1^st day…..somehow it grew into us with time. I realized that I simply loved her, after my board exams got over. I started missing seeing her pretty face every morning, when I knew school was over and now she was so far away. We studied in different schools after that, but I loved her and she loved me too. Now, 13 years after we grew out of school, I still miss her, and I so love it when we talk over the phone and feel it that she still loves me so much.
You know what’s the most amazing thing about both these friends of mine? They love me, they’d do anything for me, and they are so cool about it. They never say 'love us back'! They don’t demand anything from me in return for the undying love that they have for me. And most of the times they don’t even say it…..I just see it in their eyes, their voice, the little notes that they send me in email, orkut, and on my birthdays and special occasions like bhai-phota. I love them so much!

Unusually long-drawn Haikus .... :p

I am barely awake now. It’s 4 in the morning; my eyelids yearn to touch each other. This reminds me of a particular Tom n Jerry cartoon that I had seen ages back.

I so want to write. Life is a big piece of jig-saw puzzle right now; thesis – likewise!

I feel like I am frantically chasing fragments of a dream I had. Like all of my dreams it was big, beautiful, and bold (in the sense it was too hard to be true). An amazing story that I so loved then and so fear to let go now.

So here in dark of the night, I am scribbling something which closely resembles haiku; but believe me…..I am actually trying to gather my thoughts together before they shatter in the morning light. Slowly but for sure, the tide brought in by the sun rays will wash away the remnants of my memory.

It makes me a little sad and frustrated to lose the grip I had on this story. What am I writing? Somehow I want to get transported back through time. This time I’ll make sure I am not lost but placed in a spot where I will eventually come to feel my dreams.

I always did that…before now. How did I misplace it this time? I couldn't tell you how I got here. Well….frankly, I am not exactly sure why. I just know that it has something to do with trying to forget the existence of a few souls who lost their lives that day.

Well…..this is a bunch of crrazzyyy haikus! Kudos!!