A quick rendezvous with my roots - Magical Shantipur

This is going to be a lllooonnngggggg one ..... so., readers beware! I have been thinking of putting up this post to share my awe at the beauty of the past.....Oh what an experience! I visited Shantipur this Holi....it's my Ma's granpa's place. Yeah yeah ... I have said this before, but quoting Ross "I havent said what I'm about to say, vis-a-vis - the following" :p
hehe....ok ok it really was an amazing experience n let me not dilute it all up with silly jokes :|
so...here's an account of my experience.
I went there with my granma, uncle, aunt, n cousin and on our way heard some amazing tales about how Holi is going to be a completely out-of-this-world experience at Shantipur. I was already excited!

This is my granma btw....isn't she beautiful!!

Ma didn't grow up in Shantipur, she just visited the place with her family, every Durga Pujo until we happened :| However, when I visited Shantipur this time, I felt connected. I had never felt this way earlier; but that's maybe 'coz I've never stayed there for more than a day, n in my whole life, I had just been there thrice earlier. I felt so connected. The huge buildings are writhing with age, but they still ooze grace and bear the marks of the blue blood that flows down its veins....hopefully some of it has trickled down to mine as well :|

I remember when I had been here in 2004 (six years back).... the hazed part (right corner) of this picture bore a continuation of this building. We stayed there for a night. It was ok then...it's all breaking down. Ahhh...it made my heart ache. The little corners still seemed to call out, "come in my child, sit down here; I still have some shade saved for you", I almost heard it say. I wish we could do something about it...save it. When i asked granny, she said that ours is a large family.....it belongs to all of us....n technically I'm not a part of it as I'm a Chakrabarty n they're the Moitras.....I'm just a tertiary branch hanging somewhere far. My uncles want to save it too.....but it's a huge deal trying to pull out the rights to work on something that belongs to "everybody"....most of whom don't even give a damn.....whatever... "it is all very complicated", I was told.

See this well? It hasn't changed...probably the only thing that looks just the same....irrespective of how many walls crumble down, how many roots turn up, it never dries. It is known as an 'Idara' in Bangla.... a well that never dries.

This portion .... arghhhh.... looks spooky...n I wasn't allowed to go in and see....apparently no one has been in there for years. Still.....looks beautiful!
This is the 'Nachghar', at the entrance gate of out house - the 'Moitra Bari'. This was the 'Nahabat Khana' were music and dance performances were held during ceremonies and festivals, in ancient times.
Well.... it's cliched hotels and guest houses like this one that I'm thankful to for letting us stay in during our visits to our ancestral house. The house is in such state now that we could not stay in there. Sad but well.... all great things come to an end...and maybe that's what's happening to us and our majestic house. I just wish we .... at least us, brothers and sisters, can save the house some day and stay there during festivals.... we all want to, our parents too...let's see if we can achieve the impossible.
Beautiful temples built by our forefathers, eras before today, still stand tall, thanks to the lovely architecture. All the temples have a unique built. They all stand high on a 8-10 feet base, and are surrounded by thick walls, with not much room inside. Maybe that's the secret...not much of suspended stuff....so they are better armored to sustain the ravages of time.

This is our 'Ananda Gopal', the baby Lord Krishna. Ahhhh...he's adorable! His little palm stretched out asking for a 'Kheer Laddu', his large eyes bearing a naughty look calling out "pamper me, wont you?". Oh...I love him...we all do and we miss him when we come back every time. Probably he'll make our wishes come true one day.
I know we can't return to Shantipur for good, but I hope we can save the land that bears our roots, so that we can visit to catch up - with siblings, distant uncles and aunts, people who we connect to oh so easily, and with a little part of our soul that's stuck there! :)

Radha

On my way back from Nal Sarovar, Gujarat, I was hogged by a swarm of kids mostly tots, begging for alms. This one was shy, almost embarrassed to beg.....I asked her name. "Radha", she smiled and reached out her little palm, "Please give me 5 Rupees. I've been hungry for 2 days". Then she stole a glance and looked back and smiled. That's what she'd been trained to say to strangers, the rest was oblivion.

Wittgenstein’s Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus: Can we Know the Truth?

Ludwig Wittgenstein, in his famous work ‘Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus’, enunciated that there is ONLY ONE TRUTH that occurs with mathematical certainty (e.g. 2+2 =4); if we can’t speak it we’d rather be mum about it. I believe him. There is ONE OBJECTIVE REALITY; going round-and-round uttering otiose statements about a phenomenon, claiming them to be subjective explanations of the same, is akin to gibberish to me. However, I disagree at the last bit of his argument.

Wittgenstein argued that the world is made of independent atomic facts or elementary states of affairs from which larger and composite facts/ phenomena are constructed. Language however, begins from the atomic state like the world itself, but then conglomerates into complex propositions following logic. Finally, thoughts are generated as expressions in language to capture the aforesaid facts. Like some screenshot?

So what Wittgenstein’s work propagates is:

If your thoughts aren’t able to picture the elementary states of affairs, or the ultimate truths, they are not worth being expressed. A commendably bold statement! Don’t you think? But, I have a little tussle in my head about this. How do I know that my thoughts mirror absolute truth, unless I test it out? And how do I test them if I don’t express? When I started reading Wittgenstein, I was impressed, and believe me, he’s worth reading. Not once, but multiple times; well, I say that based on my experience with his work. Going by the intellectual abilities I hold, I didn’t get him all at once, but I was hungry for more. He keeps you panting and lusting for truth. What is the ultimate reality? But it all moves like a suspense thriller, sans the revelations in the end. Disappointment? No! What I experienced was an eagerness to read it again, hoping to unravel more this time. However, this time the rush that I felt was different. At the 1^st read I was amazed, almost bowled over but his masterpiece, his ways of thinking; now I didn’t agree at many points. Well I didn’t have the alternative bits of absolute truth, but I could prove by contradiction that what was expressed was not absolutely true. While I agree that subjective musings are not permissible unless one is sincerely trying to construct explanations to phenomena, bit-by-bit, I don’t agree that if you aren’t expressing absolute truth, all at once, you should practice silence.

Now I feel that I’m going gibberish! hehe....

The only thing I’d like to say before concluding is that as a researcher it is the constant expression of my work, irrespective of the accurateness of arguments, to guides and peers that is pushing me closer and closer to the construction of an explanation of truth. Everyday, I begin by testing my reasonings and 100-lines of scribbles with my guide. I express and he points out the flaws in reasoning. I go back and reattempt to bust it, using logic, of course. I talk to peers, we brainstorm at the little flawed expressions that we have thus far, with an invincible optimism that we’ll find the explanation.

Wittgenstein was a genius and I almost cherish the moments when I read him and felt almost enlightened. However, I believe that it is only persistent and humble Expression and not Silence that has the potential to pave the way to the ultimate revelations of truth.

Valentine’s Day!

Hehe….kaka’s brief post on how “Table for One” is a very very sad expression, kinda happened to me today. Well, with a wee bit of alteration in the taste of it. It wasn’t sad at all :)

In the morning, when I woke up, I felt no extra excitement. No big celebrations lined up for me! As usual, I was greeted by a desk loaded up with a crowing pile of work….most of which yelled out to me “attend to me today, my dear, it’s been my turn for sooo long now”. “Sure”, I said and rushed to get ready for work. I made myself my usual cup of steaming honey tea, spiced up with lemon n dried ginger, and sat at my desk to start with my emails. None…..Sir hadn’t replied, so no meetings today. As I was opening Orkut I took the ^st sip from my cup & as always, I burnt my tongue and cursed myself “Every Day!” Just then Banani’s scrap flashed in front of my eyes….”Happy Valentine’s Day Patru…from me n Punkoo”. “Oh Wow! It’s Valentine’s Day today…..the BIG Day of Looooove!” :D

I remembered Pk…..my friend from college who had been my V-Day companion during most of my grad n undergrad days. We would turn up for classes, but due to the extremely low attendance, the Profs would dissolve classes for the day. Hence, we’d start with “Oh No!” but then make an impromptu trip to some place. She’d be all “let’s go to some place close n safe", n I’d be all “Shut Up….we’ll make a day of this n go to some place awesome”. Needless to say….my plan won and we would end up making fabulous trips to old temples, deserted dams, etc, nibbling at village junks from dhabas, n road-side pan shops. All the while however, Pk would be excited about the amount of fun that we were having, but was damned scared about….. “if we get into any trouble, my parents will kill me” n the likes :) & I’d say….. “don’t worry….I’m Here; I’ll protect you”. Somehow she believed me….n I felt as if it was my duty to take care of her :D

‘Twas fun!

Today I remembered all of that n thought le’me have some fun. I also decided that at the end of the day, I’d pen it down in my journal or here…..so it must be Gooood fun :)

How’d I have fun? I find Ahmedabad a bit starved of places that are like sweet nothings that aren’t hyped, where there’s no need for pockets loaded with money; there are Malls and big fancy tourist spots. I didn’t feel like any of that. Kankaria Zoo? Naahh….

So I stepped out, bought a large bar of chocolate n kept munching on it for some time while I wondered about how to Treat myself to a V-Day dose of fun. ordered a small-sized pizza (yeah…for one), a Coke (unlike me) and watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. …… again...about 3-5 episodes. Hehe…..then I made this piece of something on MS Paint and named it ‘Dreams’….with a hue for every feeling & emotion. Call'd up mom n dad to remind them of V-Day...so that they don't miss out on their share of fun for the day :)

I Didn’t study at all :p

I'm sure most of you would think...what was fun in this? But I enjoyed myself....it felt like treating myself to some goodies. Off Work.....phew :p

Maybe will work a bit now….. :D ..... or read something nice? fun is intoxicating & addictive :p
"God save me"....must get back on track....Today? :| tomorrow maybe :p

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Reflections .......

5 years ago I was....in a mess. Had no time to think about my studies. Dad was sick, and all we wanted was to get him back and be happy!

5 months ago I was.... all over the place with my dissertation. I was working on designing my experiments that was kind of getting into the final mould

5 hours ago I was...enjoying a happy dinner at CT :)

5 minutes ago I was...replying to a dbab msg from a junior

5 things on my to-do list today...meet profs n discuss my work, finish revision of the proposal submission, talk to VVR, meet MICA students and guide them on the remaining work with ad designs, and Exercise!

5 things I would do if I became a billionaire... buy a pretty house for us, save up a bit for the future, build an animal care farm and hospital, buy a BMW Sedan, build a swimming pool for us :)

5 of my bad habits.... procrastination, am overtly finicky about my loved ones, love being pampered by my loved ones, love chocolates so much that I have a bar everyday :p , irregular sleep hours 5 good memories... my childhood spent with bro and parents, school days, stage shows in dance and music, day when I got call from IIMA, and happy times spent with my best friends – Banani, Rosy, BU gang, and Jhalbagan playmates :)

5 films/TV shows that I watch over and over again... Friends, Sholay, Mr. India, Baby’s Day Out, and Gone with the Wind

5 places I've loved and can revisit... Jhalbagan (where I grew up with my childhood buddies), my School (A.G. Church, Asansol), Kanya Kumari in Tamilnadu, IITD, and Ranigunj

5 activities I love... Music, Dance, Reading and Research along my interest areas, Writing, and Cooking

5 things most people don't know about me... that I freak out at the thought that I’ll grow fat again :p , I am absolutely obsessed with the thought of being famous and successful in academics and music, …. That was 2 together,3 in all!!..... I love to eat (good stuff), and I am a big fan of some of my teachers and never want to go away from them :)

5 weird wishes/ fantasies…. I wish I didn’t need sleep….that’d save so much time, I wish I could read and work all day (not getting tired), I wish I could remember all the stuffs that I read and worked on, I wish I could meet John Nash, JDC Little, Dilip Abreu, and APJ Abdul Kalam and work with them, I wish I was a famous singer and dancer

5 things that I’m senti about….. mom, dad, bhai, best pals, and my aims and inspirations

5 things that inspire me….. Work done by great people (Nash, Little, Chakravarti, etc.), Lifestyles that some of my idols maintain (DT, APJ Abdul Kalam), Sujoy Sir’s encouraging discussions and pep talks, Discussions with my parents, bro, and best pal, and my Ultimate ambitions and wishes

5 books I love to death... Dockner, Long, etc.’s Differential Games in Eco and Mgmt Sc., Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind + Ripley’s Scarlett, Ken Follet’s Jackdaws, Tirole’s Industrial Organization, and Goon, Gupta, Dasgupta’s Outline of Stat. Theory

5 things I love to eat... Chocolates (the darker the better), Salads, Fruits (esp. Kiwi fruits, plums, oranges, apples, pear, papaya, …… Godddd..u name them!!), fish, and coolers (ice candies included)

5 destinations I'm dying to see... Australia, Kashmir, My brother’s place (now), U.K., and Niagra falls (bro keeps praising this one….he’s been there thrice already)

5 scents I love... food that mom cooks, scent of my Dad, roses, scent of fresh rain after dry summers, and dark chocolates

5 things I want to do before I die (my Bucket List)….. publish is ace journals in my field, be a famous singer (at least one hit album :p ), learn French Ballet, perform a fusion no. at least once in front of a huge live audience, and be absolutely satisfied with the way that I’ve spent my life - before I shed my last breath :)

As the 'Divine Mother' peeks through the clouds, I can feel her.
She's all excited and has started packing for herself n her kids n yeah the sweet Lord Shiva too.....'coz by now she has known that he's going to come down too and play peek-a-boo with us, while he makes sure that everything is safe for all that he cares for: 'us' :)
I can't wait to see you all here; happily blessing us all and partying for five days, while we run around you trying to make you happy.
Come down quickly O' Dear Durga, come down and enchant us with your divine beauty, your sanctity, your eternal love, your faith on us that we will be good no matter what we've given to you thus far! Come and bathe us all in your holy divinity and bless the world as always!

Inspired......

Today, I started off in the lousy way that has been usual for me of late. At 2:30 I headed for the LAN (that’s what we call our FPM workstation). Completed some regular chores and headed back toward the Wing 11 Committee Room, where Solo’s Thesis Seminar was to be. Solo is a very sincere n down-2-earth doctoral participant here, working under one of my guides.

I sat there, yeah I knew he was sincere n everything, but didn’t hope to get this inspired by the end of the SHOW. He did an excellent job; had answers to everything, even the small little technical untenables had been backed up so well, or at least acknowledged! He sure has worked hard n sincerely so; and it came out all through the talk.

I wish I can work with such immense sincerity. Great patience and modesty goes behind this kind of output. Hats off Solo! Wish you all the best in life :-)

Celebrating Independence......

I am Independent enough!
Going by the eidos of our community, I am independent enough:
I expect much, I give some, I get quite a handful, a mouthful, and a soulful;
I am quenched enough!
As goes one of those million pep-sayings, "Reach for the skies! If you happen to miss, you'll still be among the stars";
I kinda stick at least to the 1st 1/3rd of it :-)
So, who gives a damn about the beau monde; whatever keeps my adrenaline kicking, my pulse ticking, & me - significant enough!

Happy Independence Day!

There's no looking back

Who am I, where am I headed?
When I cry, I melt less and freeze more;
I freeze so strong, I'm almost virile.
My mind's a one-way traffic lane now -
There's no looking back;
There can't be any.
I look ahead.
I can see my guiding light again;
The divine glow that has steered me thus far.
I'm happy that my little car doesn't have a good rear-view mirror.
The one that hangs in front of me is tarnished -
with the moisture that was shed uncouth.
This mirror gives me the creeps; I don't look back!

& my WORLD waits for me.....

Before today, I was continuously slipping the fact that I had come to the world due to just two people.....well not quite so alone (as someone hath said); but as far as my life's concerned, it has almost entirely been endowed with selfless blessings/wishes, sound guidance, and abundant friendship (be it from my little brother, my schoolmates, or my parents).

Recently, my dear baba had a pulmonary crisis. According to the ABG and lung capacity tests, only 22% of his lungs is functional, with a CO2 level of 46 (the upper-limit being 45) and O2 levelof 65, instead of 95+. But take a look at this gem of a man and he's oozing optimism, tons of love for ma, bhai, & me, and sincerity toward his people (that includes practically everybody that is alive). He's asmile always; never complaining about anything, and mentally so active, that if he's exhausted his to-do list for the time being, he'll be planning some pranks to pester ma :) That' s baba - completely adorable & oh such a kid!

Today while returning to Ahmedabad, I felt as if baba wanted me to stay back for a wee bit longer; to play and react to his pranks, listen to his little friendly pep talks (that are always so alive that I am never tired of hearing), play a game of ludo with him and fight like kids over who eats up whose pawns, or just pamper him with a few tingly strokes on his back to lull him of to a sweet siesta. I wanted to stay too, but I had to leave - have "miles to go" - before I can huddle back to him and stick by him forever.

An Ode to Researchhood......

Finally I'm through with the hectic compre season, studded with miles 'n' miles of bits to study, n aeons spent in front of subjects I detest muggin'up, but have to....'coz this is what will draw me closer to the ultimate work I've been wanting to do for so long now :)

........... Research ~ on the field, that interests me most .............

Research: What of it?
To me, research starts everyday – in the little queries we have and the endeavours we make to quench them. Sometimes it’s as trivial n playful as wondering why the little bird comes and coo’s at my window sill everyday, or, why those little squirrels chirp so shrill n loud when they’ve managed to lay their puny hands on the best nuts they could spot. See? Research is fun! It’s like looking for the perfect answers to the most interesting questions we could imagine.

Well, the definition of the term research says that it’s a “systematic” endeavour, into satiating some kinda quest for knowledge. Ahh…..now the definition drains out all the fun….Damn!
But whoa…..let not silly dictionaries swivel our foci!

Ever since I got over with the muggin’ portions of our ‘compre’, I, for the first time was granted the official n unofficial luxury of embedding myself full-fledgedly into THE research topic that interests me most [P.S. this condition, in me, had been diagnosed some 7-8 years back, n I am yet to satiate this little inquisitive lump in me that I’d been quelling all this time]. Man….am I happy!

Research is fun n it’s a challenge when you embrace it officially. It’s like getting married to someone you never had known before….n now that it’s official you’d have to strive to make the best out of it. If you succeed, the fruits are all yours n if you don’t…..u’re dead meat! ;)

The fun part of doing research is that u’re workin on a topic that inetersts u most; what’s funner - is that when u’re tryin to quench this interesting interest in u, u find urself getting into some kinda ‘chakra-vyuh’ studded with more interesting stuff. The way out is to stay focused (ofcourse u can designate some of those interesting encounters as ur future quest topics) n to look at the whole thing as some kinda jig-saw puzzle – fit the right pieces together, n EUREKA u have urself enlightened with the solution. Ahh…..now comes the funnest part of researchhood: u’re in a happy trance - completely satisfied - sometimes jeopardized - but that only loops u deeper into resarch - further tanced, it’s some kinda viscous intoxication….marijuana? whatever…..but it’s absolute fun; n the best part is that people don’t shun u for ur intoxication….haha…..they just admire u……Nuts!
Haha……try it folks…..research is the best thing u could do to allay ur wandering intellect, forget ur fears, bid adieu to ur tears, & earn a ransom in pennies n Crowns!

Mother~~~~

She's sensitive, she's beautiful, she's an epitome of grace n passion - her heart the subtlest of God's creations.

She is a believer, her naivette due to her faith on emotions - she makes herself the sacrifice, in pursuit of smiles for her people.

She adds hues to the world; hues that touch n sprinkle on the days n nights - weaving in strings of love, faith, and life all around.

She sacrifices herself for her passions n emotions; her breaths entwined in the smiles of her loved ones, her concerns whirling around the well-being of her dear.

She smiles to herself, when she's struck by our hardness, n forgets it as another naive mistake that we made; never a complaint or frown doth mark her face then.

"Why do you not look after yourself, n care for all that's good just for you?" I ask with surprise.

"That's what I'm doing child" she says.

All of a sudden, I remember the ol' mother in Bhisham Sahni's 'The Boss Comes to Dinner'. I fly back to that tender age of mine n wince at the rememberance of how I had hated the son who had just cared for himself n his own interests! No, his mother had not featured in his list of interests; she was no more than a pest in his posh n aesthetic house; atleast that's what he felt in the story. I never wanted to be like him. Never, ever!

Today, when trying to define grace and feminism, with my new-found passion of creating art on the computer, I drew this beautiful lady. Ahh.....I smiled, she's beautiful! I had imagined that she had caught her sari on something, some prickly bushes? Ahhhh.....she's my Mother, n the bushes - us, clinging on to her, while she walks us ahead to a glorious dawn, compromising the pace of her advancement for the sake of bright tomorrows of her dear ones - us!

Unbelievable, wondrous, mystic, n absurd, or should I call you simply irrational?! Whatever it is, probably I'll never understand completely; but I love you Mom, n will rush to the warmth of your lap as soon as I can!

Water, water, everywhere.......

a spectacle......

A canon-ball sent by the Gods,

Gleaming through the woods divine,

Has landed at my humble door

N' washed my heart with ruthless whine.

"Arise, awake, n off u go"

Whisper my friendly woods to me,

"Don't dare look up at the canon balls,

Or u'll set off in the poetic spree"

"hehe....i say, poet? me?

Have i ever heard you crazier than this?"

And lo-behold, now that I can't stop scribbling,

Lines 2s and 4s meet a rhythmic kiss.

An Ode to Scarlett O'Hara....My Hero

Scarlett O’Hara….the name deemed so scandalous, is my icon …. the woman that I have idolized, ever since I read her. To me, she is pristine – no less than Melly, and I perceive she was more…..Scarlett was no hypocrite!
Society worshipped women so timid, that they’d smell into salts of feminism and let the world take its toll on her mates and siblings. Hail the virtuous….virtue defined in measures of her ability to hide behind the veils when world’s starved for her valor; so were the definitions of aristocratic fem.

Scarlett, chose to step out of the “bounds” defined for her by the society, and said what she felt was right. Never hesitating to speak out the truth, she chose to admit her love for Ashley Wilkes; this is what I consider as virtue. Scarlett chose the less-trodden path, and hence was shunned. It was only Melanie, who, although considered virtuous by the society, could see what the real Scarlett was. Melly saw Scarlett the way I see her….brave, honest, and choosing to twist truth only to save Tara and her folks.

However, Scarlett could rarely realize the virtues that she possessed; she yearned to be like her mother ‘Ellen’, as graceful and pristine. One of her greatest fears was that “mother would be turning in her grave if she knows that I’ve done….”. Scarlett was a child at heart, young and restless, willing to take the reins of her life in her own hands, going to the greatest extents to keep her people protected under her beautiful wings, so lush and caring, yet so strong. She never wanted to go back to those dreadful days of poverty, without a morsel to feed the hundred mouths that gazed up to her, seeking support. She toiled in the fields, under the glaring sun, until her hands were so rough that Rhett could feel the scars when he touched her palms, once so beautiful and delicate. Talking of Scarlett how can I ever miss out on her beauty? With beautiful eyes of emerald, n an angelic face bordered by her wavy red locks, every feature spelt a mesmerizing mix of a grit of steel, sharp wit, and amazing grace. To me she’s been the most beautiful dame literature has ever defined. ‘Feline’ is what her beauty has been described as, sharp, charming, and beautiful. Scarlett O’Hara, to me, she’ll always be a beaut ideal. The perfect portrait a litterateur could ever paint; a portrait, parts of which I’d want to imbibe.

Hail thee....Scarlett!

To WHOM it may concern

Why do I have to hear.. the wails n the cries?
Why do I have to read..those headlines in piles?
Why do I have to choke at the bombed smoky skies?
Don't you feel, you should have an answer, to all of my whys?

Yeah! I feel that'll suffice, 'coz you'll have nothing to say;
There can be no alibi to the killings of this day!

Some order and a shot..is not how gr8 leaders fought!

Step out on the field;
Feel your spine getting chilled;
n that fear of getting 'rself killed
will stop you 'fore your next order spilled.

Feel for the dying, wail o'er the loss!
Can you ever Make a life?
Think! Before you snatch one: with a Trigger n a Toss!