Chaos is random….as the name suggests – not much order or decorum maintained; that’s actually the whole point. I had been missing this event since the past two years: well, I was busy with my work. And believe me, just scanning the schedule doesn’t give you any idea how hopelessly chaotic and hence absolute fun it’s going to be. I missed chaos, and didn’t regret it, until this year.
I decided to go for the limelight events and some music and dance events – cumulating to about an evening and about 3-4 more hours of the total 50 rockingggg ones. Well that was the plan. The 1st two days happened that way. However, I just loosened up from day 3, actually night 3. It was the Sonu Niigaam and Kavita Seth night and it was all absolutely amazing. We had so much fun: we danced, we enjoyed, and amidst that I kept wondering “would I ever make it to where he is standing today?” ….. that’s been my dream ForEver! On the next day, I was asked to judge an eastern solo music event – RAAGA. I accepted the work and had an amazing and absolutely heart-wrenching experience. I wanted to award at least 6 people…..who were all amazing. I also wanted to accredit another 6 participants, who were equally talented, but slipped during this particular performance. Well we were only allowed to give 4 prizes: 1st, 2nd, and 2 "consolations". Arghhhh….I hate that term….I wanted to call this set (at least) “you were equally amazing” awards.
After this event I spoke to some participants and two of these participants Kavish and Shubham touched me. Their passion for music was amazing. I felt the fire that I had kept simmering inside me – they set me ablaze. And I wondered, “what am I doing?” For years, I had been postponing the plan of pursuing music and dance in a hope that I’d take it up after I’ve secured my life enough. Ma becomes a bit worried about this craziness of mine….which I keep suppressed generally, only to fail miserably at times like this - when I am face-to-face with my real dream. I want it so bad! I know I’ll repent it at my last breath - repent that I didn’t even try. Well! It’s high time I gave it a real shot. I have decided to dedicate a complete year to hone myself and try myself out to check if I have what it takes to be there.
So here I am today. Chaos ended on the 31st. Yesterday I planned – a well hedged plan – shooing away some of the most obvious risks associated with the clichéd “in case I fail”. Discussed it in detail with ma, baba, and a dear friend. I’m good to go! :)
I have three people to acknowledge for opening my eyes to tell me that I have to try it out for real, and not postpone it to be pursued from the ‘beyond’. Well, the maestro…Niigaam saab, the immensely talented being, during whose performance I shifted to a trance about a couple of times thinking of the real dream in me. And Kavish and Shubham, thanks little ones. I know it was barely a 10 minute interaction with you, but you touched me and shook the hell out of me. Thank you! You will stay dear to me, forever :)
I love academia…..well, I feel it’s a very sincere place to be in. I love research…..I do! But I love music more than anything else. If I could do both, I would: but I have to make a choice now. I’m giving myself 8 months (starting April 2010). If I can’t do what I want to….I’ll come back. I know, it’s not fair to dedicate so many years to academia and just 8 months to my real passion; but I’m a normal worldly animal….that’s all I can afford. I will try my best…..if I can see any light there for me, I’ll stay. I would love to multitask and manage both….but don’t think I’ll succeed. Let’s see! I’ll try whatsoever.
So, here’s “to Me”!
No comments:
Post a Comment